Dealing with Post-Divorce GriefCompleting your divorce and moving on to the next stage of your life can cause a mix of emotions – some of them good. You may feel relief from marriage being over and excitement about your future. However, divorcees can be caught off guard by unexpected negative emotions. You feel refreshed and optimistic one day and depressed and doubtful the next. You may think, “Divorce is what I wanted, so why do I feel sad?” Even when a divorce frees you from an unhappy marriage, it is natural to mourn the end of your marriage and fear the changes in your life. Understanding these emotions is one of the final steps in healing from your divorce.

Common Emotions

How you react after a divorce may be similar to the commonly known five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Rather than the death of a person, you are experiencing the death of your marriage, which was the most important relationship in your life to this point. However, your post-divorce grief does not always follow an ordered flow chart. People’s divorces differ, so their emotions differ, as well. Common negative feelings after a divorce include:

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Divorce Appeals Rare for a ReasonAfter an Illinois court issues its final judgement on a divorce settlement, either party has the right to appeal the decision. However, many attorneys will caution you against appealing your divorce. You may want to appeal your divorce settlement in order to get a more favorable deal, but an appellate court will reject your appeal if that is the only reason. The purpose of a divorce appeal is to prove the trial court erred in its interpretation or application of the law. Divorce appeals are costly and successful only in rare cases.

Process

In Illinois, a person has 30 days to file an appeal after the court rules on the divorce settlement. The appellant must write a detailed brief, explaining why the lower court’s judgement should be overturned. In some cases, the appellate court may allow oral arguments. Once all the evidence has been presented, the appellate court will decide whether to uphold the original ruling, overturn it or send the case back to the lower court.

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Child Death Affect on Marriage and DivorceThe death of a child is a nightmare scenario for parents. The grief and shock can be more intense than what results from the death of anyone else. Because the emotional damage is so great, some people believe that a majority of parents get divorced after their child’s death. Logic says that losing the child breaks a bond between spouses that can never be repaired. However, researchers have not found statistical evidence of an increased divorce rate among parents whose children have died. Psychologists believe that the way parents grieve can create conflict in a marriage, but it does not necessarily cause divorce.

Expressing Grief

Both parents will experience grief after the death of their child, but each may have a different way of showing it. The types of grief are usually divided by gender:

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Celebrating Your First Post-Divorce Father's DayJune 18 marks the annual celebration of Father’s Day in the U.S. While it is usually a time for fathers and their children to bond, a newly divorced father may experience the holiday differently. Depending on the parenting time arrangement, his children may be unavailable to visit him that day. If he does get to spend the day with them, he may not know how to celebrate. Past Father’s Day traditions may have relied on the mother’s involvement. Divorced fathers need to take an active role in creating a positive Father’s Day experience for them and their children.

Save the Date

You should talk to your former wife about your desire to spend Father’s Day with your children, especially if it would require altering your parenting time schedule. Parenting time agreements are legally binding, but parents can make minor adjustments without needing court approval. Hopefully, your former wife will appreciate the day’s importance to you and your children. However, you can also help with scheduling by being flexible:

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Changing a Child's Name After DivorceWhen women divorce, they often revert to their maiden name if they took their husband’s surname during the marriage. The process in Illinois is relatively straight-forward. A woman can:

  • Add a provision in her divorce settlement that allows her to take back her maiden name;
  • Use the settlement documents to obtain a new social security card and driver’s license; and
  • Present her new identification cards when updating other documents and accounts in her name.

If a woman has primary allocation of parental responsibilities, she may also want to change her children’s last names to her maiden name. However, the mother must receive court approval, and a request to legally change a child’s last name may face heavy scrutiny.

Process

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Goostree Law Group

Goostree Law Group

 555 S. Randall Road, Suite 200
St. Charles, IL 60174

 630-584-4800

 400 S. County Farm Road, Suite 300
Wheaton, IL 60187

 630-407-1777

Our Illinois divorce attorneys represent clients in Kane County, DuPage County, Kendall County and DeKalb County, including Geneva, Batavia, St.Charles, Wayne, Wasco, Elburn, Virgil, Lily Lake, Aurora, North Aurora, Elgin, South Elgin, Bartlett, Crystal Lake, Gilberts, Millcreek, Maple Park, Kaneville, LaFox, Yorkville, Oswego, Plano, Sugar Grove, Big Rock, Bristol, Newark, DeKalb, Sycamore, Naperville, Wheaton, West Chicago, Winfield, Warrenville, Downers Grove, Lombard, Oak Brook, Streamwood, Hoffman Estates, Barrington, South Barrington, Lake Barrington, Schaumburg, Big Grove, Boulder Hill, Bristol, Joliet, Kendall, Lisbon, Minooka, Montgomery, Plainfield, Sandwich, Yorkville and many other cities.

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