Category Archives: Children of divorce

Your Child's Pediatrician Should Know About Your DivorcePeople going through a divorce can be reluctant to tell casual acquaintances about it. The process is personal and not something they want to share with everyone they meet. However, there are people outside of your friends and family who need to know about the divorce. One such person is your child’s pediatrician. The emotional impact of your divorce can cause developmental and behavioral maladies in children. A pediatrician may be able to help your children, but he or she needs to know that the divorce may be causing the problems. Keeping your pediatrician informed of your child’s life circumstances may help prevent some of the struggles your child will go through during the divorce.

Effects of Divorce

Children feel emotional pain when their parents divorce or separate, regardless of their age or how amicable the divorce is. Feelings of abandonment, anger and self-blame can become emotional scars that last for years. Depending on the child’s age, the emotional effects of divorce on children can manifest as:

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Lessons Your Children Learn from Your DivorceThere is no denying that divorce is a negative experience for your children. You can rationalize how your children will be better off because of the divorce. From their perspective, they have witnessed the end of a relationship that defines their lives and are faced with uncertainties about their futures. However, divorce can have both a positive and negative effect on your children. They may not see any immediate benefits, but the experience can teach lessons that help them become better adults.

Healthy Relationships

Your marriage has a great influence on how your children will view and treat their own relationships. By witnessing your unhealthy marriage, they may unwittingly pick up your bad habits and make the same relationship mistakes that you did. The first lesson your divorce teaches is that your marriage was not a healthy relationship and that it is appropriate to end a relationship that makes you miserable. However, you also need to demonstrate a healthy relationship if you do not want them to repeat your mistakes. In interacting with your former spouse and potential new romantic partner, show that a relationship requires:

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Adult Children of Divorce Still Need SympathyFor parents who are considering divorce, there are practical benefits to waiting until their children are adults before ending their marriage. Without legal dependents, the divorcing couple will not need to establish child support payments or the allocation of parental responsibilities. As adults, the children are thought to be more mature and capable of accepting their parents' divorce. However, people of all ages can struggle with the news that their parents are divorcing. Adult children of divorce may feel emotionally and financially vulnerable. Yet, their feelings may be treated with less care because they are supposed to be more mature and independent.

Emotional Impact

Parents who are getting divorced should not assume that their adult children will accept their decision with calmness and understanding. Part of the difficulty of telling younger children about divorce is explaining the concept and what it means for them. Adult children know what divorce means, but that knowledge may not ease their emotions. Many negative thoughts can plague them, such as:

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Back-To-School Tips for Newly Divorced ParentsIt is almost time for your children to return to school, if they have not already. Though your kids may dread it, you are likely looking forward to a more normal routine. For divorced parents, their parenting time schedule is built around school and school-related activities. With the start of school, they can re-establish a regular schedule of when the children will live with each parent. However, parents who have recently divorced may be unsure of how to handle back-to-school time. It is in the best interest of your children for both of you to remain active in their school lives. In order to do so, you must be willing to cooperate with each other in some situations. There are several ways to help everyone adjust to your new family situation at the start of the school year:

  1. Informing the School: With younger children especially, it is important for the school to know when a student’s parents are newly divorced. Divorce may affect your child’s behavior and academic performance. Being aware of the divorce may allow your child's teacher to help.
  2. School Supplies: Shopping is part of the tradition of going back to school. You should split the cost of back-to-school purchases. This shows that you are both invested in your child’s return to school.
  3. School Functions: You both should try to attend parent events at the school, including open houses, parent-teacher conferences and student performances. If you do not want to attend the same conference as your former spouse, contact the teacher in advance to see if you can schedule separate conferences.
  4. Extracurricular Activities: Your parenting time likely accounts for your children’s school hours, but it may not predict the time commitment for after-school activities. You need to determine which parent will be responsible for dropping off or picking up a child from an activity. If the activities are disproportionately detracting from your time with your children, you can talk with your former spouse about adjusting the schedule.
  5. Homework: When you were married, you may have been the parent responsible for helping your child with his or her homework. If you are no longer with your child during homework time, you can set up a phone call or video chat in order to help him or her.

Flexible Agreement

As much as you try to plan, you may be unable to predict all the ways your divorce will affect your child’s school life. You may discover that an adjustment in parenting time or responsibilities is in the best interest of your child. A Kane County family law attorney at Goostree Family Law can advise you on modifications to your parenting agreement. Schedule a free consultation by calling 630-584-4800.

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Choose Your Words Carefully When Explaining Divorce to KidsThere is not an easy way to tell your children that you are getting a divorce. Younger children may have difficulty understanding what a divorce is and what it means for them. Older children may be angry because they think they know what the divorce means. Either way, your children are likely to be upset about your divorce. As parents, you must be sensitive to their feelings when breaking the news. Handling it in the wrong way can cause your children to become more upset than they need to be.

Honesty

Though it may be difficult, you must be honest with your children about your divorce. Avoiding their questions or lying about the consequences of your divorce may temporarily spare their feelings. However, they will eventually learn the truth and feel betrayed because you lied to them. Children do not need to know every aspect of your divorce but should understand the parts that affect them. You should make it clear to your children that:

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Goostree Law Group

Goostree Law Group

 555 S. Randall Road, Suite 200
St. Charles, IL 60174

 630-584-4800

 400 S. County Farm Road, Suite 300
Wheaton, IL 60187

 630-407-1777

Our Illinois divorce attorneys represent clients in Kane County, DuPage County, Kendall County and DeKalb County, including Geneva, Batavia, St.Charles, Wayne, Wasco, Elburn, Virgil, Lily Lake, Aurora, North Aurora, Elgin, South Elgin, Bartlett, Crystal Lake, Gilberts, Millcreek, Maple Park, Kaneville, LaFox, Yorkville, Oswego, Plano, Sugar Grove, Big Rock, Bristol, Newark, DeKalb, Sycamore, Naperville, Wheaton, West Chicago, Winfield, Warrenville, Downers Grove, Lombard, Oak Brook, Streamwood, Hoffman Estates, Barrington, South Barrington, Lake Barrington, Schaumburg, Big Grove, Boulder Hill, Bristol, Joliet, Kendall, Lisbon, Minooka, Montgomery, Plainfield, Sandwich, Yorkville and many other cities.

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