Does a Child's Death Increase the Chance of Divorce?

 Posted on June 13, 2017 in Divorce

The death of a child is a nightmare scenario for parents. The grief and shock can be more intense than what results from the death of anyone else. Because the emotional damage is so great, some people believe that a majority of parents get divorced after their child’s death. Logic says that losing the child breaks a bond between spouses that can never be repaired. However, researchers have not found statistical evidence of an increased divorce rate among parents whose children have died. Psychologists believe that the way parents grieve can create conflict in a marriage, but it does not necessarily cause divorce.

Expressing Grief

Both parents will experience grief after the death of their child, but each may have a different way of showing it. The types of grief are usually divided by gender:

• Mothers are more likely to outwardly express grief through crying and emotional outbursts; and
• Fathers are more likely to internalize their grief while trying to act strong.

Spouses may not understand why they grieve differently, which can develop into resentment. The expressive spouse may think the stoic spouse is not showing enough grief. The stoic spouse may think the expressive spouse is overreacting. Neither spouse is wrong in how he or she grieves, but the misunderstanding can harm a marriage.

Guilt and Blame

Regardless of the circumstances of the child’s death, parents are likely to question whether they could have prevented it. The guilt can consume parents, causing them to emotionally disconnect from each other. In trying to answer why their child died, some parents want a person they can blame. In some cases, their grief may cause the parents to blame each other. The marriage can become hostile if a person accuses his or her spouse of being responsible for the death. However, blaming a spouse for a child’s death likely reflects an underlying hostility that already existed.

Socializing and Intimacy

The goal of the grief process is to eventually be able to move forward with one’s life. Parents who have lost a child can take years to reach a point when they feel comfortable interacting with others socially and being intimate with each other. They may believe they do not deserve to be happy without their child and fear that being close with someone will make them vulnerable to more pain. One spouse may reach the acceptance stage first, but the other spouse may not be ready to socialize or continue an intimate relationship. This can create feelings of disconnection and resentment.

Conclusion

Psychologists say that the death of a child amplifies the strengths and weaknesses of a marriage:

• Spouses who have a healthy relationship may grow closer in their shared grief; and
• Spouses in an unhealthy relationship may become more divided and eventually divorce.

If you believe your marriage may be headed to divorce, contact a Kane County divorce attorney at Goostree Law Group to discuss your options. Call 630-584-4800 to schedule a free consultation.

Source:

https://www.taps.org/articles/21-1/divorce