There are currently about 2.3 million Americans incarcerated in the United States, approximately half of whom are parents. Furthermore, one in five has a monthly child support obligation. In most situations, this obligation simply remains unpaid, because for many, the small income that may be available for working within the jail or prison will not cover the costs. If the individual is serving an extended sentence, the unpaid support can accumulate to become an insurmountable debt. Throughout all of this, however, the children still need financial support from both parents.

Support Options for the Recipient Parent

If you are the parent to whom support payments are made and the other parent is currently incarcerated, his or her sentence does not automatically mean you are not eligible for payment. First, a child support order does not automatically stop due to incarceration. The only person who may modify a child support order is a judge through a modification hearing, which may be requested by either parent. Also, it is possible for inmates to make a payment due to having other income and assets available.

The court could also order the other parent to make payments from sources other than a job, including:

According to recent estimates, there are almost 4 million divorced parents in the U.S. today. For such parents, the winter holiday season can be particularly tough to manage, as extended family members often travel great distances to celebrate and to see the children. While far fewer families are likely to travel this year compared to previous years, the holidays are still likely to be challenging for parents who share parental responsibilities.

The first thing you should keep in mind is that, no matter what you do, you will not be able to please everyone. Someone along the way is likely to feel at least a little slighted or disappointed about how your arrangements play out. However, with a little planning and a commitment to being flexible, you can enjoy a happy holiday as a divorced parent.

Take Proactive Steps

Planning ahead is key in making holiday parenting time arrangements. If you and your former partner have a parenting plan in place that specifies where your child will spend which holidays, it is important to be aware of what your plan says for this year. If you are not sure, review your plan and be certain. Your parenting agreement might give you the freedom to set up holiday plans each year by discussing them with your child’s other parent. Once you have established who will have parenting time and when, you can begin planning your holiday visits and other activities. This includes video visits and other arrangements made necessary by the COVID-19 health crisis.

The prospect of divorce is never an appealing one, especially when it feels as though so much is at stake for both parties. From saying goodbye to the relationship and months or years of memories you and your spouse share to dividing belongings and making new living arrangements, the outcome of any divorce, no matter how large or small, results in sacrifice. The experience can be even more emotionally taxing when children and pets are involved, further complicating the question of whether or not to officially call it quits.

Signs You May Be Able to Reconcile

Marriage and family relationship experts identify certain factors that may make reconciliation possible, should both parties be willing to work on the relationship. These include mutual love and trust, good communication, and a sense of safety where both parties are concerned. A sense of safety can manifest itself in a number of ways, including mentally, physically, emotionally, or financially. Other signs that you may be able to salvage your marriage are the presence of shared interests and obvious reciprocal partnership. If you are both faithful to one another, express genuine commitment to the marriage, and possess active, common interests, it may be beneficial for you both to explore the option to stay together.

Indicators it May Be Time to Leave

Some red flags that experts consider unredeemable hindrances to a marriage include a lack of common goals or shared interests, infidelity, and a general lack of trust. The absence of trust harms a partner’s sense of safety and security, and if there is no sense of safety present in the marriage, an ongoing, unhealthy balance exists. A pattern of pathological dishonesty is another big indicator that it may be time to leave. It is usually a combination of these negatives that causes the quality of the marriage to deteriorate over time, finally bringing the unhealthy nature of the relationship to one or both spouse’s attention. For some, the realization hits hard and fast, while it slowly sneaks up on others. 

The amount of mental energy couples must expend on the divorce process is often overwhelming, no matter how smoothly the transition unfolds. Divorce scenarios are, in most cases, a mixed bag of events. Some couples sail through the process with mutual respect and civilized interaction, only to discover emotional landmines when they reach the finish line, while other couples struggle with the split from the get-go. Matters can be especially difficult when one spouse refuses to cooperate altogether, leaving the other spouse with all the work and twice the weight in emotional stress.

What Can You Do When Your Spouse Will Not Cooperate?

There are a number of ways someone’s behavior can change throughout a divorce. Sometimes, the change is so drastic, the person becomes nearly unrecognizable to their partner. Some individuals regress, and their behavior can turn so ugly that the divorce becomes flat-out toxic. Even if your divorce has not gone quite to that extreme, you may see a side of your spouse you never knew existed. Experts indicate that people often react differently under severe divorce stress, typically out of self-preservation, which can manifest in many ways including anger or isolation. 

So, what can you do if you are dealing with an entirely uncooperative spouse? Here are some ways you can attempt to diffuse the tension:

Whether you have seen your divorce coming for some time or the realization of your unraveling marriage has taken you by surprise, telling your children, extended family, and acquaintances that your marriage is over is never a pleasant experience. It is not uncommon for friends and family to feel a sense of loss themselves, as they too grew familiar and comfortable seeing you and your spouse together, often over a period of many months or years. Children in the family can take divorce especially hard, making the duty of breaking the news to the kids infinitely more difficult for parents.

Communication is Key

Some divorcing couples make a mutual agreement to tell the children together, while others make arrangements to delegate the “talk” to one parent. Some couples never even have the chance to discuss who will speak to the children about the split because of the conflict and tension surrounding the end of the relationship. Whatever your personal circumstances, consider the following as you tell your kids, friends, and family that you and your spouse are going your separate ways:

• Get your own emotions in check. Psychology experts emphasize the need for self-care during a divorce, especially when it comes to mental health. Although it is much easier said than done, getting your own emotions in check before you break the news of your separation to your loved ones can help a great deal. Approaching the conversation with a clear head and a calm demeanor can soften the blow, allowing your children and family members to absorb the news. The more in control you appear to be, the better they will receive the news.