Tag Archives: emotional divorce

Five Ways Your Resentment Can Undermine Your DivorceYour emotions can be one of your greatest adversaries during a divorce. It is common to feel anger and resentment towards your spouse when deciding to divorce, but those emotions are counterproductive when trying to reach a settlement. Though divorce is personal, you should try to keep your divorce negotiations impersonal. Here are five ways your emotions can work against you during a divorce:

  1. Refusing to Negotiate: Sometimes our anger leads us to avoid the people we are mad at. After a contentious breakup, you may dread the thought of having to negotiate your divorce settlement with your spouse. However, refusing to negotiate takes away your power to decide how to divide your marital properties and allocate your parental responsibilities. Instead, a judge will make those important decisions for you, without the intimate knowledge of your best interests.
  2. Public Attacks: When you are feeling angry towards your spouse, it may be satisfying to vent your frustrations to friends. Social media has made this easier and more public than before. Publicly attacking your spouse makes you look bad and increases tensions, which may hinder negotiation efforts.
  3. Continuing Old Arguments: Your divorce negotiations should focus on practical matters you need to settle. Your resentment may instead divert you into an argument about the factors that caused your divorce. When you have reached the negotiation stage of the divorce, it is counterproductive to continue these arguments. The time for discussing why you are divorcing has already passed.
  4. Hostile Attitude: You must advocate for your interests during your divorce negotiations and stand firm on the issues that are most important to you. However, there is a difference between having conviction and being combative. If you are arguing every aspect of the negotiations, your resentment may be controlling you instead of rational thought. You are wasting time and energy by fighting over issues that could be settled quickly.
  5. Vindictive Motivation: Your best interests should guide your decisions during your divorce negotiations, not your spite towards your spouse. A decision that is only meant to hurt your spouse may have no benefit to you. Instead, your vindictiveness may blind you to an option that would result in a better outcome for you. You also risk hurting your children when you make spiteful decisions.

Calming Force

Putting aside your emotions during your divorce can be difficult to do alone. A Kane County divorce attorney with Goostree Law Group can provide guidance that is based on your best interests and not your personal resentment. Schedule a free consultation by calling 630-584-4800.

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Coping with Anger During Your DivorceDivorce can dredge up negative emotions from both parties because marriages often end due to a conflict between spouses. Anger directed at the other spouse is a common emotion that divorcees may express. It may naturally subside as the former spouses have minimal interaction with each other. However, anger can persist with divorced parents, who are connected through the allocation of parental responsibilities. Anger can be a destructive emotion that you must address during and after your divorce.

Problems with Anger

The process of getting a divorce can cause you to feel depressed and anxious. Anger, in a way, is comforting because it allows you to blame your spouse for your negative emotions. Feeling some anger is natural and can be tempered. However, letting your anger grow out of control will hurt yourself and those around you:

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b2ap3_thumbnail_couple-talking-divorce-amicable_20170130-170041_1.jpgWhen you are going the process of ending your marriage, you will experience a wide range of emotions. In fact, many mental health professionals sometimes compare the psychological impact of a divorce to that of the death of a loved one, with obvious differences. Too often, however, a divorcing couple will allow anger and bitterness to overshadow all of the other emotions which can result in an even more difficult divorce. It is possible to limit the negative feelings during the process but doing so does require a little bit of work.

Decide in Advance

One of the most important things you can do to prevent anger and bitterness from controlling your divorce is to make a conscious decision to remain positive as much as possible. Commit to your future and that of your children rather than dwelling on the past. If you can keep negativity in check during the divorce process, you will be better equipped to make good decisions along the way. Focus on results and you will be more likely to obtain a favorable outcome.

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 division of assets, division of marital assets, divorcing couples, emotional divorce, estate planning documents, Kane County divorce attorney, liquidity of assets, marital property, non-marital propertyCouples typically do not enter into a marriage wanting to get divorced. Unfortunately, however, divorce happens. If you do not have a prenuptial agreement in place then you may be in for a long, arduous, and emotional process. (Even with a prenuptial agreement, you might be in for a long, arduous, and emotional process.) You can simplify this process by avoiding the mistakes that some divorcing couples make.

First it is important to understand the difference between marital property and non-marital property. Generally, the law presumes that all property acquired by either spouse during the marriage is marital property. There are exceptions, including property acquired by gift, legacy, or descent. Once property is classified as marital, a court will determine how to divide it equitably. Note that “equitable” does not necessarily mean “equal.” A court will consider various factors when dividing the property, including, but not limited to:

  • The contributions of each spouse to the marital property, including a spouse’s contribution as a homemaker;
  • The value of the property assigned to each spouse;
  • The duration of the marriage;
  • Whether either spouse will be receiving maintenance payments;
  • The economic circumstances of each party when the division of property takes effect;
  • Each party’s age, health, occupation, employability, sources of income; and
  • Who is awarded custody of the children.

These factors are not weighted equally and are only a few of the considerations that a court will make.

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Goostree Law Group

Goostree Law Group

 555 S. Randall Road, Suite 200
St. Charles, IL 60174


 400 S. County Farm Road, Suite 300
Wheaton, IL 60187


Our Illinois divorce attorneys represent clients in Kane County, DuPage County, Kendall County and DeKalb County, including Geneva, Batavia, St.Charles, Wayne, Wasco, Elburn, Virgil, Lily Lake, Aurora, North Aurora, Elgin, South Elgin, Bartlett, Crystal Lake, Gilberts, Millcreek, Maple Park, Kaneville, LaFox, Yorkville, Oswego, Plano, Sugar Grove, Big Rock, Bristol, Newark, DeKalb, Sycamore, Naperville, Wheaton, West Chicago, Winfield, Warrenville, Downers Grove, Lombard, Oak Brook, Streamwood, Hoffman Estates, Barrington, South Barrington, Lake Barrington, Schaumburg, Big Grove, Boulder Hill, Bristol, Joliet, Kendall, Lisbon, Minooka, Montgomery, Plainfield, Sandwich, Yorkville and many other cities.

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