Your Child's Pediatrician Should Know About Your DivorcePeople going through a divorce can be reluctant to tell casual acquaintances about it. The process is personal and not something they want to share with everyone they meet. However, there are people outside of your friends and family who need to know about the divorce. One such person is your child’s pediatrician. The emotional impact of your divorce can cause developmental and behavioral maladies in children. A pediatrician may be able to help your children, but he or she needs to know that the divorce may be causing the problems. Keeping your pediatrician informed of your child’s life circumstances may help prevent some of the struggles your child will go through during the divorce.

Effects of Divorce

Children feel emotional pain when their parents divorce or separate, regardless of their age or how amicable the divorce is. Feelings of abandonment, anger and self-blame can become emotional scars that last for years. Depending on the child’s age, the emotional effects of divorce on children can manifest as:

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Financial Mistakes to Avoid During Your DivorceIt is easy to think of a divorce settlement in terms of winners and losers. You may feel like you won the negotiations if you obtained most of the marital properties you wanted and secured favorable support payments. However, there is more to a divorce settlement than the initial financial totals:

  • Property ownership can come with additional expenses;
  • Some properties have more potential for growth; and
  • How support payments are structured can favor one side in terms of taxes.

You need to take a broad perspective of the financial consequences of your divorce settlement.

Pursuing Your Home

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How Divorce Can Lead to AddictionPeople who are going through or have completed a divorce often turn to comforting activities to help them cope. Divorce is a significant source of stress, anxiety and depression. Divorcees are experiencing a life-altering process with an uncertain outcome. The stress increases if the two parties are hostile and combative with each other. Thus, it seems more important to be able to enjoy themselves when they have free time. However, overindulgence can lead to addiction, even for those without a history of addictive behavior. What started as a coping mechanism becomes a compulsion that is difficult to break.

Types of Addiction

People most commonly associate addiction with alcohol, tobacco products and drugs. All of the them have addictive properties and can become a chemical dependency for the users. Substance abuse is also directly linked to health complications and changes in behavior. However, addiction is broader than substance abuse, including:

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Lessons Your Children Learn from Your DivorceThere is no denying that divorce is a negative experience for your children. You can rationalize how your children will be better off because of the divorce. From their perspective, they have witnessed the end of a relationship that defines their lives and are faced with uncertainties about their futures. However, divorce can have both a positive and negative effect on your children. They may not see any immediate benefits, but the experience can teach lessons that help them become better adults.

Healthy Relationships

Your marriage has a great influence on how your children will view and treat their own relationships. By witnessing your unhealthy marriage, they may unwittingly pick up your bad habits and make the same relationship mistakes that you did. The first lesson your divorce teaches is that your marriage was not a healthy relationship and that it is appropriate to end a relationship that makes you miserable. However, you also need to demonstrate a healthy relationship if you do not want them to repeat your mistakes. In interacting with your former spouse and potential new romantic partner, show that a relationship requires:

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Five Ways Your Resentment Can Undermine Your DivorceYour emotions can be one of your greatest adversaries during a divorce. It is common to feel anger and resentment towards your spouse when deciding to divorce, but those emotions are counterproductive when trying to reach a settlement. Though divorce is personal, you should try to keep your divorce negotiations impersonal. Here are five ways your emotions can work against you during a divorce:

  1. Refusing to Negotiate: Sometimes our anger leads us to avoid the people we are mad at. After a contentious breakup, you may dread the thought of having to negotiate your divorce settlement with your spouse. However, refusing to negotiate takes away your power to decide how to divide your marital properties and allocate your parental responsibilities. Instead, a judge will make those important decisions for you, without the intimate knowledge of your best interests.
  2. Public Attacks: When you are feeling angry towards your spouse, it may be satisfying to vent your frustrations to friends. Social media has made this easier and more public than before. Publicly attacking your spouse makes you look bad and increases tensions, which may hinder negotiation efforts.
  3. Continuing Old Arguments: Your divorce negotiations should focus on practical matters you need to settle. Your resentment may instead divert you into an argument about the factors that caused your divorce. When you have reached the negotiation stage of the divorce, it is counterproductive to continue these arguments. The time for discussing why you are divorcing has already passed.
  4. Hostile Attitude: You must advocate for your interests during your divorce negotiations and stand firm on the issues that are most important to you. However, there is a difference between having conviction and being combative. If you are arguing every aspect of the negotiations, your resentment may be controlling you instead of rational thought. You are wasting time and energy by fighting over issues that could be settled quickly.
  5. Vindictive Motivation: Your best interests should guide your decisions during your divorce negotiations, not your spite towards your spouse. A decision that is only meant to hurt your spouse may have no benefit to you. Instead, your vindictiveness may blind you to an option that would result in a better outcome for you. You also risk hurting your children when you make spiteful decisions.

Calming Force

Putting aside your emotions during your divorce can be difficult to do alone. A Kane County divorce attorney with Goostree Law Group can provide guidance that is based on your best interests and not your personal resentment. Schedule a free consultation by calling 630-584-4800.

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Goostree Law Group

Goostree Law Group

 555 S. Randall Road, Suite 200
St. Charles, IL 60174

 630-584-4800

 400 S. County Farm Road, Suite 300
Wheaton, IL 60187

 630-407-1777

Our Illinois divorce attorneys represent clients in Kane County, DuPage County, Kendall County and DeKalb County, including Geneva, Batavia, St.Charles, Wayne, Wasco, Elburn, Virgil, Lily Lake, Aurora, North Aurora, Elgin, South Elgin, Bartlett, Crystal Lake, Gilberts, Millcreek, Maple Park, Kaneville, LaFox, Yorkville, Oswego, Plano, Sugar Grove, Big Rock, Bristol, Newark, DeKalb, Sycamore, Naperville, Wheaton, West Chicago, Winfield, Warrenville, Downers Grove, Lombard, Oak Brook, Streamwood, Hoffman Estates, Barrington, South Barrington, Lake Barrington, Schaumburg, Big Grove, Boulder Hill, Bristol, Joliet, Kendall, Lisbon, Minooka, Montgomery, Plainfield, Sandwich, Yorkville and many other cities.

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