Dispelling Assumptions About Gray Divorce

 Posted on October 01, 2018 in Over 50

It is difficult for people outside of a marriage to understand why a couple would divorce after being together for decades. Family and close friends want an explanation because they are surprised by and upset about the change. Observers may conclude that:

• One of the spouses is going through a midlife crisis and made an impulsive decision to divorce; or
• The spouses were waiting for their children to become adults before they divorced.

These are both factors that can influence the timing of a divorce. However, gray divorce can occur for reasons that defy common stereotypes:

1. Getting a Divorce Is Rarely Impulsive: People going through a midlife crisis stereotypically seek youthful excitement, and finding a younger romantic partner can make someone feel younger. However, getting a divorce is not as simple as buying a sports car. The process takes months to complete, and the result upends your life socially and financially. Deciding to divorce can be impulsive, but completing it takes commitment.
2. Decades of Tension Can Lead to Divorce: Spouses may realize their lack of compatibility after they have retired and are no longer actively parenting. However, people do not suddenly stop loving each other. The spouses’ relationship had likely been flawed for years. Careers and parenting can fill a void in a marriage when spouses do not communicate, lack affection or cannot cooperate with each other. When forced to interact with each other, spouses can no longer ignore that they are unhappy together.
3. People Stay Married for Reasons Other than Children: Parents do try to protect their children by delaying their divorce until after the children have left the home. However, it is difficult to stay in a marriage for that reason alone. In practical terms, waiting for their children to become adults spares the parents from including child support or the allocation of parental responsibilities in the settlement. The parents may cling to their marriage because they still care for each other or are afraid of being alone.
4. Both Rich and Poor Choose Gray Divorce: Gray divorce seems like a luxury because it is expensive and leaves each spouse with fewer assets. However, unhappy spouses will divorce, even if they cannot afford it. Financial strife is one of the main stressors in a marriage that can cause conflict and lead to divorce. Wealthier couples can afford to build separate lives from each other while staying married.

Getting a Gray Divorce

The division of property and spousal maintenance can be complicated if you divorce after a long marriage. A Kane County divorce attorney at Goostree Law Group can help you with your gray divorce. To schedule a free consultation, call 630-584-4800.

Source:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/complicated-love/201809/7-surprising-facts-about-gray-divorce