Learning that you or your partner is infertile can be one of the most difficult challenges a marriage will face. Your feelings may be similar to how you would react to a death: grief, denial, anger, depression and acceptance. In a way, you are mourning the loss of a biological child you and your partner will never share. Amid the grief and seeking alternative means to have children, it is easy to miss signs that your marriage is in trouble. Infertility can bring a couple closer together but can also cause a division that leads to divorce.

Emotional Reaction

Both people in a marriage may feel shock and sadness at the news that one of them is infertile. The infertile spouse often feels guilty and inadequate, especially in the case of women. The other spouse may feel disappointed and uncertain of the future if having children is one of his or her goals in life. Negative emotions can cause couples to react in unhealthy ways, such as:

The most common adoption cases typically involve an adult becoming the legal parent of a child after the biological parents consent to giving up their parental rights. Illinois is one of the few states to include standby adoption as a legal option. Standby adoption allows parents to decide who the adoptive parents of their children will be in case of their deaths. The rights and responsibilities of parents in a standby adoption are the same as those in other forms of adoption in Illinois, but the process must be planned in advance.

How It Works

Standby adoption may be established as part of an estate plan or when a parent has a terminal illness. The parents must fill out a consent form that:

In today’s American culture, remarriage is more common than ever. There are many reasons for the increase in second and third marriages, but most of them can be reduced to the idea that divorce does not cause people to give up on their dreams of being happy. For some, remarriage is relatively simple, with each spouse owning modest amounts of property and neither having children. In other cases, it can be more complex, particularly when children are involved. While some stepparents only ever develop a friendly relationship with their stepchildren, others become much closer. Some, in fact, take the rather large step of pursuing a stepparent adoption to create a permanent parent-child relationship.

Take It Slow

A whirlwind romance between two adults can be invigorating and exciting, and there is not necessarily anything wrong with such a relationship. However, it is unreasonable to expect that your new partner’s child is ready to accept you into his or her life just as quickly. Much depends on the child’s age and maturity level, but understand that the child is likely to have mixed emotions about you as his or her parent’s new partner. As you begin your life together, make every effort to be respectful and consistent in your attitude toward your spouse’s child, and do not push too hard. If a closer relationship is going to develop, it is going to take time and effort.

When you adopt a child, you adopt him or her with the intention of being a family forever. Whether you choose an international or domestic adoption, an infant or an older child, or an open or closed adoption, the goal is always the same: to become a parent to a child who is not biologically related to you.

But adoptions are not always smooth and perfect. In fact, integrating an adopted child into your household can be extremely stressful and involve a lot of conflict. Sometimes, this conflict becomes violent and household members are put at risk of injury. Other times, a child's special needs can become too much for the parents to handle, causing the child to suffer from having his or her needs go unfilled. In either of these scenarios, the parents are sometimes forced to consider whether it would be best for all parties involved for the child to leave the household.

Re-homing an Adopted Child

Adoptions can be complicated, whether you are adopting a baby, a toddler, or an older child; whether you choose a private or agency adoption; whether you opt for an open or closed adoption; or whether you decide to adopt domestically or internationally. Adopting a new spouse's child can also come with its own set of challenges. When you decide to adopt a child with special needs, the challenges that are already present with the adoption can be amplified. Many of the children who are in need of homes in the United States and abroad suffer from physical, mental, and emotional issues that can require special care on the part of their adoptive parents.

Adopting a child with special needs might not be the right choice for your family. On the other hand, you might be well-equipped to handle the challenges that come with such a child and provide him or her with a nurturing, supportive home. Keep the following in mind to help you decide whether adopting a child with special needs is the right choice for you.

Special Needs Can Mean a Lot of Things