When arguing over the allocation of parental responsibilities, one parent may accuse the other of creating parental alienation. The concept, which is sometimes called parental alienation syndrome, is that one parent is encouraging the children to not have a relationship with the other parent for reasons that are illogical or selfish. Parental alienation can be viewed as a form of child abuse, and some parents have used the claim to gain greater or complete responsibility for the children. However, parental alienation is a controversial subject because an abusive parent could use it to gain access to their children.

Potential for Abuse

The professional psychology community is divided on parental alienation syndrome, including:

• Whether it is a psychological condition:
• How it can be identified and proven; and
• How prevalent it is in parenting relationships.

These doubts lead some to believe that parental alienation should not be a major consideration in family courts. Parental alienation has helped decide parental responsibilities in real cases. In some cases, allegedly abusive parents have gained full child custody by accusing the other parent of unreasonably withholding the children. Critics of parental alienation claim that abusive parents are taking advantage of the concept to control their children and punish their co-parents.

Sometimes, your body seems to have a knack for knowing exactly the wrong time for you to get sick. During a divorce would be one of those times because being sick could interfere with you completing the process while balancing your work and personal responsibilities. Of course, feeling ill during high-stress events is not always a coincidence. The constant stress can weaken your immune system or cause its own maladies. Some people going through divorce lead an unhealthy lifestyle because of how hectic their lives are. Though you may think you cannot afford to be sick, you must take steps to protect your health:

1. Know When to See a Doctor: Sometimes, a little time off is what you need to help yourself feel better. However, you may need to schedule a doctor’s appointment if your symptoms are particularly bad, persist for a couple of days or reoccur somewhat frequently. Do not assume that your illness will go away on its own. Your symptoms could be from a minor bug or a major illness. You will not know unless you see a doctor.
2. Take Your Health Seriously: If you do see a doctor, it is important to follow their instructions for how you can feel better. Obviously, take the medicine your doctor prescribes and tell them if you have any adverse side effects. Your doctor may suggest that you change your diet, get regular exercise and find more time to sleep or relax. Try to incorporate these changes into your lifestyle, even if it may take time out of your schedule. Feeling healthier can make you more productive during your working hours.
3. Tell Others About Your Health: Whether it is a temporary illness or chronic condition, the people in your life need to know about your health in order to help you. Your divorce lawyer needs to know whether your illness will affect your availability or if they can help relieve some of your stress. Your work supervisor may understand that you need a little time off in order to come back as a healthier employee. Your friends and family can help you with your daily tasks, including watching your children. Suffering in silence will only make your recovery more difficult.

Contact a St. Charles Divorce Attorney

We cannot plan for when we get sick but can plan for how we will respond to it. You need to tell your divorce team if the stress from the process is affecting your health. A Kane County divorce lawyer at Goostree Law Group will handle the complicated legal matters. Our divorce coach can suggest strategies for coping with stress. To schedule a free consultation, call 630-584-4800.

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A bitter divorce can cause spouses to be angry and vindictive towards each other. Some spouses try to hurt each other in ways that range from petty to criminal acts. A common way to embarrass a spouse is to have the divorce notice served to them at their work, which is not illegal but still humiliating. A spouse may violate the law by posting “revenge porn” on the internet, which is a class 4 felony. From a legal perspective, online impersonation falls somewhere between the previous examples. Your spouse may not always be breaking the law by impersonating you, but catching your spouse in the act will hurt them during your divorce.

Online Impersonation

Illinois is not one of the few states that have created criminal laws that specifically prohibit online impersonation. Illinois has laws against identity theft, which is a form of impersonation that is used to steal assets or defraud others. Cases of online impersonation during a divorce often involve:

• Someone claiming to be their spouse through a website or social media account in order to ruin that spouse’s reputation; or
• Someone impersonating another person in order to contact their spouse and obtain private information.

Your spouse may have committed a crime if they used your identity to steal your assets or impersonated someone else in order to harass you. Defamation of character is a civil offense but is protected from criminal charges by the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. A court can order your spouse to take down untruthful information, and you can file a lawsuit against your former spouse to seek compensation. A divorce court may also punish your spouse for their unethical actions.

There are times when going through your divorce may test the limits of your patience, energy, and sanity. No one experiences divorce within a bubble. You are balancing your divorce with your personal and professional lives and trying not to let any of them collapse. If you fear that your divorce may overwhelm you, you should consider hiring a divorce coach to help you through the personal side of your divorce. Through your coaching sessions, you will learn several important facts that may help you cope:

1. You Need to Share Your Feelings: Suppressing your emotions builds up stress and may cause a breakdown. You need an outlet to talk about what is making you worried or upset. The trick is finding the right person to talk to. You want someone who is sympathetic yet emotionally detached from your divorce. A divorce coach or therapist is the ideal choice. If you want to talk to a family member or friend, make sure it is someone who has a calm and compassionate temperament. Your children should never be your outlet.
2. It Is Okay to Ask for Help: In fact, it is smart to seek help before the stress from your divorce becomes a problem. For instance, you should tell your boss that you are going through a divorce, which will at times require your attention. With this knowledge, your boss may be able to help you with your workload or understand if you need to take time off. If you do not tell your boss, he or she cannot help you and may assume the worst if your work performance suffers.
3. You Should Allow Yourself to Grieve: You may experience conflicting emotions about your divorce. You are glad to be leaving a bad marriage, yet you are also sad about it. It is natural to regret and grieve the end of your marriage while also understanding that it is necessary. Allowing yourself to experience the natural grieving process will eventually lead to acceptance.
4. You Must Accept What You Can Control: With a process as consequential as divorce, you may worry about whether your spouse or a court will prevent you from getting what you need to support yourself. It does you no good to worry about things that are out of your control. You can control only your own approach to the divorce negotiation and your own decisions. Trust that your lawyer will advocate for your best interest and help you reach a beneficial agreement.

Contact a St. Charles Divorce Lawyer

A divorce lawyer and divorce coach compliment each other to address a client’s legal and emotional needs. Contact a Kane County divorce attorney at Goostree Law Group to learn more about our staff divorce coach. To schedule a free consultation, call 630-584-4800.

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Illinois assumes that both parents in a divorce should share parenting time of their child. This may not mean equal parenting time because courts prefer that one parent has the children for a majority of the time to create more stability. Still, both parents are encouraged to be active in their children’s lives beyond child support and basic obligations. Studies on children of divorce have shown that they benefit when each parent has at least 35 percent of the parenting time. They do better in school and are less likely to have long-lasting emotional issues. There are several reasons why shared parenting is more beneficial to children than when one parent has most or all of the parenting time:

1. The Children Develop Relationships with Both Parents: Conventional wisdom used to be that children primarily need their mothers when growing up, which left some fathers with limited contact with their children. However, a father is also an important figure in a child’s life, and children who do not develop a close relationship with their father may feel abandoned. To develop a relationship, fathers need more time with their children than a visit every other weekend, especially when the child is young.
2. The Children Receive More Attention: A single parent cannot replicate the positive effect of having two active parents. The parent has work responsibilities and a limited amount of energy to care for all of the children. A shared parenting plan divides the parental responsibilities so that no one parent has to be responsible for all the children at all times. There are two parents to be attentive to the children’s needs and help them if they are having problems.
3. The Parents Must Work Together: Being “co-parents” means that you are both responsible for the care and development of your children. You need to communicate with your co-parent about what has happened with your children in his or her absence and come to some consensus on how you will raise your children. While it may be difficult, successful co-parenting creates consistency for your children and sets a good example for them. You both are showing how two adults can co-operate towards a common goal, even when they do not get along.

Contact a Kane County Divorce Attorney

There are several ways that you can divide your parenting time and schedule the days that you have with your children. A St. Charles, Illinois, divorce attorney at Goostree Law Group can help you determine the best parenting schedule for your situation. Schedule a free consultation by calling 630-584-4800.

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