As discussed in our previous post, a group of Illinois lawmakers and parental rights activists are trying to change the state’s stance toward equal parenting time. The proposed legislation would instruct courts to presume that a 50/50 division of parenting time is in the best interest of the children unless the parents can prove otherwise. The change could result in an increase in the number of 50/50 parenting agreements that courts approve. However, what are the logistical consequences of equal parenting time? There are ways that such a division changes how parents construct their agreements.

Parenting Schedule

An equal division of parenting time requires a more complex parenting time schedule than with a more traditional agreement. The parents can use:

A proposed bill in the Illinois House of Representatives has brought the debate over 50/50 parenting time arrangements to the forefront of family law discussions. The bill would create a legal presumption that it is in the best interest of children that parents have an equal share of parenting time after separation. Illinois courts currently presume the opposite when left to determine the division of parenting time. If passed, the law would be considered a win for fathers, who are less likely to receive a majority of parenting time when the time is unevenly divided.

Default Position

There is a consensus amongst parents and family law courts that children are best served when both parents are an active part of their lives. The disagreement is over how much parenting time each side needs to be an effective parent:

Divorcing parents are told to watch for signs of emotional regression in their children. The stress of the divorce can cause some children to revert to behavior patterns that parents thought they had gotten past, such as:

• Thumb-sucking;
• Bed-wetting;
• Crying to express their emotions; and
• Separation anxiety.

Teens can react in various ways that range from being rebellious to being overly compliant. However, adults getting a divorce may not realize that they are also experiencing emotional regression. The effect is often temporary but can do lasting damage to their relationships with others.

Heightened Emotions

It is not just an empty platitude when people tell you that you do not have to go through your divorce alone. A happy and successful divorcee often has a team of people helping him or her out. Your divorce attorney may be the most important member of your divorce support team because he or she will lead you through the complex legal process. However, there are more support team members that can help you in other areas during your divorce.

Financial Support

Your attorney should be versed in the financial necessities of your divorce, but it can help to work with a financial professional. If you are unsure of who to use, your attorney may be able to recommend someone to you. A financial planner can advise you about:

One of the final signs that you have moved beyond your divorce is no longer holding a grudge against your former spouse. Letting go of resentment is often equated with forgiveness, but the two are not always the same. Some wrongs during a marriage are difficult to forgive and should not be forgotten for safety reasons. For instance, you should continue to be careful when having contact with a former spouse who abused you. In many cases, forgiveness can take years to reach, during which part of you is unable to fully invest yourself in new relationships. For some divorcees, accepting their former spouse’s actions is a more realistic immediate goal than forgiving them.

Problems with Forgiveness

Forgiving someone for his or her wrongdoing against you is still the best possible resolution to your post-divorce resentment. However, it is difficult to reach that point because: