Should You Delay Your Divorce Until Your Child Leaves Home?

 Posted on August 30, 2018 in Children of Divorce

Some parents who are in failing marriages stay together for the betterment of their children. The seemingly ideal time to divorce is when the youngest child graduates from high school because:

• The children are more mature;
• They often leave home to go to college; and
• The divorce agreement will not need to cover the allocation of parental responsibilities or child support.

You may feel noble by deciding to delay your divorce for a couple of years until your children have become adults. You are considering the needs of your children before your own. However, postponing a necessary divorce can emotionally damage your children in ways you did not intend:

1. Your Children Are Continually Exposed to Your Conflicts: Staying married for your children will not fix the problems in your relationship. You will not be able to hide the tension between each other from your children. You will either openly lash out at each other or create an awkward environment by not talking to each other. Your children are learning from you how to interact in relationships.
2. Your Children Feel at Fault for Your Unhappiness: Your older children will realize that they are the reason you have not gotten a divorce. Rather than admire you for your selflessness, they may feel guilty that they are prolonging your misery. Your children will think of themselves as your burden, which is unhealthy for their emotional development.
3. Divorce Hurts, No Matter the Age: Postponing your divorce will delay your children’s pain instead of lessening it. Young adults better understand divorce, but your decision will still upset them. They may believe that being older means that they should not share their feelings with you, even though they need your emotional support.
4. You Are Creating Uncertainty When Your Children Need Certainty: Becoming an adult is a major change in your child's life because he or she is leaving home for the first time and facing new responsibilities. Your home can provide comfort and stability to your children when they are feeling uncertain. By divorcing at the same time that your child leaves home, you have taken away part of your child’s support system and compounded the changes in his or her life.

A Tough Choice

There is not an ideal time in your children’s lives for you to get a divorce because the experience will always cause emotional trauma. Though it feels selfish, you must consider your own emotional health and happiness. A Kane County divorce attorney at Goostree Law Group can provide information to help you decide when you should get a divorce. Schedule a free consultation by calling 630-584-4800.

Source:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/splitopia/201611/should-we-wait-our-kids-graduate-we-divorce