What Happens if You Get Divorced and You Can’t Agree on Which Religion Your Child Should Be?

 Posted on August 26, 2026 in Child Custody

Religion can be one of the harder parenting issues to resolve during a divorce. A couple may have managed religious differences while they were married because one parent was willing to compromise. After separation, those disagreements can become much harder to resolve.

Religious belief and observance involve family identity, deeply held beliefs, and traditions that parents hope to pass down to their children. For many people, these arguments feel much more personal than disagreements about school schedules or how much screen time is too much.

If you are divorcing in 2026 and you and your spouse cannot agree about your child's religious upbringing, you are not alone. A Yorkville divorce and child custody attorney with Goostree Law Group can help you understand how Illinois courts approach this issue and help you negotiate a parenting plan for your child.

Who Gets to Decide a Child's Religion After an Illinois Divorce?

Illinois law specifically mentions religious upbringing as one of the major decisions parents make for their children.

Under 750 ILCS 5/602.5, a judge can give one or both parents decision-making authority for education, health, religion, and extracurricular activities. Religious upbringing includes:

• Which religion the child will follow
• Whether the child will attend a religious school or receive religious education
• Whether and where the child will receive special religious training 
• The extent to which a child will participate in religious customs or practices.

Illinois law tells courts to follow any agreement the parents made about the child’s religious upbringing. For example, suppose a Catholic mother and Jewish father agreed before having children that the children would be raised Jewish. The family joined a synagogue, enrolled the child in Hebrew school, and celebrated Jewish holidays as a family for several years. If there was no clear agreement, the court will look at how the parents raised the child before the divorce. If there was no agreement or clear pattern, the court cannot assign religious decision-making to either parent.

If the mother later wants the child raised Catholic, the court will look at the parents’ earlier agreement and how they raised the child before the divorce.

Can One Parent Take the Child to Religious Services During Parenting Time if the Other Parent Says No?

A parenting plan may give one parent total decision-making authority over religious upbringing. Even if so, this does not automatically give that parent complete control over everything the other parent does during parenting time.

Illinois allows – indeed, requires – a parent to make basic decisions while the child is in that parent's care. This time is called "parenting time" or sometimes "visitation." Courts also start with the assumption that both parents are fit to have parenting time. What a parent does during that parenting time is, within reason, acceptable unless it poses a danger to the child’s well-being.

Each parent makes routine decisions while the child is in that parent’s care. Giving one parent authority over religious upbringing does not always prevent the other parent from taking the child to religious services during parenting time.

For example, a child might be raised primarily Catholic but sometimes attend a Mormon holiday dinner with the other parent's extended family. Another child might be raised Jewish but attend Christmas services with grandparents during the other parent's parenting time. These situations are very common in American families and don’t usually justify court intervention, even if the parents strongly disagree about religion.

Courts tend to stay out of these disagreements unless one parent is deliberately trying to undermine an established religious upbringing or repeatedly ignores specific terms of the parenting plan. A court would usually look for proof that the religious activity harms the child or interferes with the child’s established religious upbringing before placing limits on it.

If Religious Differences Are the Reason We Are Divorcing, Who Decides Which Religion Our Child Will Be? 

Sometimes religion is not merely one disagreement among many but rather the main reason the marriage ended. One spouse may become much more observant than before, while another may leave religion entirely. In turn, this can trigger major disagreements about religious schools, acceptable foods, or holiday traditions.

These disagreements are especially emotional because both parents tend to believe that the child's identity is at stake. This can be a very difficult situation indeed, but it is very important to try to separate personal problems between the parents from what is best for the child.

For example, a parent who feels personally betrayed because a spouse left the family's religion may want to prevent that spouse from discussing religious beliefs with the child at all. That kind of demand may be difficult to justify unless the discussions actually harm the child. Likewise, a parent should think carefully before suddenly abandoning the family religion because the marriage ended.

When possible, a compromise can help parents avoid further conflict. Many parents reach an agreement that the child will formally be raised in one religion while still participating in important traditions with the other parent's family.

A Jewish-Christian family, for example, might agree that the child will attend synagogue and receive Jewish religious education while also spending Christmas with the Christian parent's family. Another couple may agree that neither parent will enroll the child in formal religious education without discussing it first.

So, to answer the question of "Which of us gets to decide which religion our child will be?" Most often, the answer is, "You both will." Unless one parent seriously risks harming the child’s well-being, the court very rarely cuts one parent out of the religious decision-making framework altogether when both parents care deeply about the issue.

What Happens if Negotiation Over Our Child's Religion Does Not Work?

Sometimes, compromise isn't realistic. If one parent insists that the child must follow one religion while the other insists on something completely different, the court may need to decide how religious decision-making will be handled.

Judges in this situation will want to hear testimony about how the child was raised before the separation. Judges will also consider whether the parents are capable of sharing decision-making. Illinois law specifically allows judges to consider the level of conflict between parents and whether that conflict affects their ability to make decisions together in a way that negatively affects the child.

In a high-conflict case, shared decision-making can lead to repeated disputes. The court can consider this conflict when deciding whether the parents are able to make religious decisions together. Any decision must also follow the parents’ earlier agreement or how they previously raised the child. If there was no agreement or clear pattern, the court cannot assign responsibility for the child’s religious upbringing.

Call a Yorkville, IL Child Custody Attorney Today

Parents who are religious often have strong and carefully considered beliefs about how their child should be raised. When both parents feel this way and disagree, divorce can be especially painful. While it’s not always possible to reach a resolution that feels good to everyone, a thoughtful parenting agreement can protect the child's stability while respecting the family's history and each parent's role.

The Kendall County divorce lawyers at Goostree Law Group have decades of legal experience helping parents resolve difficult family problems. We focus on negotiation when possible, but we are prepared to litigate when necessary.

Call Goostree Law Group at 630-584-4800 today to schedule a free consultation.