Avoid Feeling Guilty During Divorce

 Posted on January 02, 2018 in Divorce

Avoid Feeling Guilty During DivorceThere is an important difference between feeling regret and feeling guilt during your divorce. With regret, you are thinking about the mistakes that lead to your divorce. It is best not to linger on regrets, but identifying them can help you learn from your divorce and heal. With guilt, you are blaming yourself for the divorce occurring, even though such a feeling is often inaccurate and unproductive. People who believe they are to blame for their divorces may want to punish themselves during the divorce negotiations. Divorcees must separate feelings of guilt from how they reach a settlement on financial issues and the allocation of parental responsibilities.

Reasons for Guilt

It helps to identify why you feel guilty when you are blaming yourself for your divorce. Understanding the source of your guilt allows you to rationalize whether it is fair to say you are at fault for the divorce. There are various reasons people may blame themselves for their divorces, including:

  • Committing acts of infidelity during the marriage;
  • Remembering mistakes they made during the relationship;
  • Regretting hurtful things they did to their spouses;
  • Succumbing to an emotionally manipulative spouse; and
  • Having a broader tendency towards self-criticism.

Overcoming Guilt

It is unfair to blame and punish yourself for your divorce. Marriages are too complex to completely blame one side when a marriage falls apart. If you are struggling with guilt during your divorce, you should remember these facts:

  • Both spouses share the blame when a marriage fails;
  • In many cases, no one was at fault for the divorce;
  • Illinois does not recognize fault in divorce cases;
  • The divorce court will decide whether there should be any legal ramifications for your actions during your marriage;
  • Healthy divorce negotiations are not based on retribution;
  • You can regret your divorce without blaming yourself;
  • Punishing yourself will not free you from your guilt;
  • You are already being punished by losing your marriage; and
  • You need a fair divorce settlement in order to support yourself afterwards.

You may want your spouse to forgive you in order to relieve your guilt during your divorce. However, you are likely to be disappointed if you are waiting for that. Instead, you should focus on forgiving yourself. A therapist or support group may be able to help you combat your guilt.

Guilt and Divorce

Your divorce settlement is too important for you to allow feelings of guilt to prevent you from advocating for yourself. A Kane County divorce attorney at Goostree Family Law can guide you in making decisions that will benefit you in your post-divorce life. To schedule a free consultation, call 630-584-4800.



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