Some spouses have the unfortunate timing of divorcing while the wife is pregnant. Pregnancy is an emotional time for both expectant parents, though the excitement usually draws them closer. Having a child puts stress on the parents, which their relationship may be unable to withstand. In other cases, the decision to divorce just happens to coincide with the pregnancy. Illinois law does not prevent spouses from divorcing while expecting a child. However, pregnancy can change the nature of divorce, especially if it will be the couple’s first child.

Parenting Factors

Illinois law assumes that the husband is the father of any child conceived or born during a marriage. Only a voluntary acknowledgment of paternity by another man or a paternity test could break that assumption. Because the spouses will be co-parents after the divorce, their agreement must include:

• The allocation of parental responsibilities;
• A parenting time schedule; and
• Child support payments.

A parenting plan for a newborn child is different than with older children. The mother will likely care for the newborn a majority of the time, but the father also needs bonding time with the infant if he plans on being an active parent. The parents should schedule a regular time when the father can visit and hold the infant. Caring for the infant may affect the balance of incomes that determine child support payments, depending on the type of maternity leave that the mother receives and whether either parent will reduce their work hours to focus on parenting.

Parents commonly experience empty nest syndrome after their children have moved out of the home. They can feel lonely and lacking a purpose or identity. Ideally, their marriage will fill the parenting void, but empty nest syndrome can put pressure on a weak marriage. If your marriage is falling apart without your children, you may need to consider divorce. Starting anew can help you discover the purpose and fulfillment you have been looking for.

Reasons for Divorce

Parenting can hold together a marriage that may have crumbled otherwise. Between your parental responsibilities and your career, you may give little thought to your relationship with your spouse as long as you feel fulfilled in these other areas. The bond you share as parents will never completely disappear, but that by itself does not make you compatible partners. With the children out of the house, your spouse may be the only person that you regularly interact with. When this happens, you may realize that you and your spouse:

• Share little in the way of common interests;
• Have different ideas about how active you want to be in your post-parenting lives;
• Disagree on how active you should remain in your children’s lives; or
• Feel generally uncomfortable or unhappy with each other.

Some spouses stay together despite these differences, remaining married but living separate lives. For others, divorce is the best way to free themselves to pursue the lives they want.

Halloween is a holiday that is full of precious memories for parents and children. If you are divorced or separated from your co-parent, you may be missing out on watching your children trick-or-treat or enjoy other Halloween festivities. Divorced parents carefully divide their time with the children during the winter holiday season, but you may not have thought about Halloween when creating your parenting plan. There are still ways that both divorced parents can share Halloween with their children

Trick-or-Treating

Both of you can accompany your children for trick-or-treating if you and your co-parent can be cordial with each other for a couple of hours. Focusing on your children may distract you from falling into your typical arguments. If you cannot stand being around your co-parent for even that long, you could plan to switch as chaperones to the children midway through the trick-or-treating. You could also take your children to trick-or-treat in your neighborhood if you live close by. However, they will feel most comfortable trick-or-treating in their own neighborhood with their friends.

Maintaining Roles

One parent may have traditionally taken the lead on certain Halloween activities while you were married. Maybe one of you is better at carving jack-o-lanterns or putting together costumes for your children. Keeping up these traditions after divorce will make Halloween more enjoyable for yourself and your children.

One of the difficulties when separate parents raise children is how to handle conflicting beliefs. Parents may have different opinions on:

• What their children's religious beliefs should be;
• Which medical treatments should be allowed; and
• What they should eat. 

Decisions about how to raise children must be made with their best interests in mind, but what is best for the children is subjective in these cases, which are more about personal preference. A family court is unlikely to intervene in these disputes, unless a parent’s beliefs are harmful to the child.

Religion

When you are a divorced parent, figuring out how to divide holiday parenting time can be very difficult. It is especially challenging if you and the other parent are not able to communicate effectively. Any parent who has a healthy relationship with their child, however, will want to spend time together during important family holidays like Christmas. Doing so is possible with some advance planning and cooperation between you and your ex-spouse.

You and your former partner may already have an agreement in place regarding where your child will spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. A holiday parenting schedule is often included in a court-approved parenting plan. In many situations, parents—especially those who live relatively far from one another—will enjoy Christmas parenting time in alternating years. For example, your child may spend Christmas with you this year and, next year, he or she will spend Christmas with the other parent.

If you and the other parent live close enough, however, your child may be able to spend part of the holiday with each of you. Of course, this may be more complicated in terms of transportation and scheduling meals with extended family, but the time with your child on Christmas is worth the extra trouble.