Category Archives: Children of divorce

Taking a Qualitative Approach to Divorce ParentingFiguring out child-related issues during a divorce often requires crunching the numbers. Parents must determine:

  • How many hours the children will spend with each parent during the week;
  • How to divide holidays and special occasions with the children;
  • What their total child-related expenses are; and
  • What percentage of child support each parent is responsible for.

Divorcing parents often come up with the best solutions to these issues by considering the emotional aspects of parenting. Being a good parent takes more than spending time and money. The quality of the parental relationship is just as important towards a child’s emotional development.

Parenting Time

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Resolving to Improve as a Parent for the New YearNew Year’s resolutions are about finding ways to improve yourself, with the noticeable passage of time as the impetus. If you are concerned about your deteriorating relationship with your children after your divorce or separation, you can resolve to be a better parent. You have a finite amount of time to form an emotional bond with your children while they are still at the age when they look towards you for guidance. Here are five tips that may help you improve as a parent for the new year:

  1. Increase Contact: Your children need to notice your presence in order to develop a relationship with you. You can try to increase your share of parenting time, though it may be impractical depending upon distance and schedules. There are alternatives to physical contact with your children, such as phone calls, video chats and emails. Electronic communication allows continued interaction without worrying about transportation or clearing your schedule for most of the day.
  2. Show Interest: When you are with your children, focus on activities or interaction that they want. Ask them questions about themselves and listen to what they say. Encourage them to come to you if they are worried about something and need advice or support. You will have more success trying to integrate into their lives than forcing them to do what you want.
  3. Be Persistent Yet Patient: Your children may not immediately respond to your efforts to improve your relationship, particularly if they are approaching their teenage years. They may be unfamiliar with your new attitude and unsure of how to respond. Keep trying to reach them, while figuring out which interactions are most successful. However, do not be overly aggressive. Trying too hard may drive them away.
  4. Play Nice with Your Co-Parent: If the children primarily live with the other parent, he or she will largely affect their opinion about you. Be cordial and accommodating with your former spouse, and he or she will hopefully reciprocate by encouraging your children to maintain a relationship with you. Cooperating as parents will help you both in successfully raising your children.
  5. Follow Through: The biggest problem with New Year’s resolutions is that people tend to forget about them after a couple of months. You cannot afford to do that with your children because they would feel betrayed and may never again trust you enough to have a close relationship. Once you have established a new pattern of contact and interaction, you need to continue it.

Building a Relationship

Adjusting your parenting agreement can grant you more time with your children. A Kane County family law attorney at Goostree Law Group can help you petition to modify your parenting agreement. Schedule a free consultation by calling 630-584-4800.

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Attending Events with Your Co-Parent After DivorceDivorced parents often cannot avoid each other due to their shared responsibilities to their children. Many encounters can be brief, avoiding uncomfortable tensions and possible conflicts. However, there are child-related events that the parents are expected to both attend and remain in close proximity to each other for extended periods. These events may include:

  • Sports competitions;
  • School concerts;
  • Parent-teacher conferences; and
  • Awards ceremonies.

Both parents likely want to attend these events because they are important moments in their children’s lives. The children are also hoping to see both parents at the event. Divorced parents should try to peacefully interact with each other when attending their children’s events.

Being Together

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Your Child's Pediatrician Should Know About Your DivorcePeople going through a divorce can be reluctant to tell casual acquaintances about it. The process is personal and not something they want to share with everyone they meet. However, there are people outside of your friends and family who need to know about the divorce. One such person is your child’s pediatrician. The emotional impact of your divorce can cause developmental and behavioral maladies in children. A pediatrician may be able to help your children, but he or she needs to know that the divorce may be causing the problems. Keeping your pediatrician informed of your child’s life circumstances may help prevent some of the struggles your child will go through during the divorce.

Effects of Divorce

Children feel emotional pain when their parents divorce or separate, regardless of their age or how amicable the divorce is. Feelings of abandonment, anger and self-blame can become emotional scars that last for years. Depending on the child’s age, the emotional effects of divorce on children can manifest as:

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Lessons Your Children Learn from Your DivorceThere is no denying that divorce is a negative experience for your children. You can rationalize how your children will be better off because of the divorce. From their perspective, they have witnessed the end of a relationship that defines their lives and are faced with uncertainties about their futures. However, divorce can have both a positive and negative effect on your children. They may not see any immediate benefits, but the experience can teach lessons that help them become better adults.

Healthy Relationships

Your marriage has a great influence on how your children will view and treat their own relationships. By witnessing your unhealthy marriage, they may unwittingly pick up your bad habits and make the same relationship mistakes that you did. The first lesson your divorce teaches is that your marriage was not a healthy relationship and that it is appropriate to end a relationship that makes you miserable. However, you also need to demonstrate a healthy relationship if you do not want them to repeat your mistakes. In interacting with your former spouse and potential new romantic partner, show that a relationship requires:

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Goostree Law Group

Goostree Law Group

 555 S. Randall Road, Suite 200
St. Charles, IL 60174


 400 S. County Farm Road, Suite 300
Wheaton, IL 60187


Our Illinois divorce attorneys represent clients in Kane County, DuPage County, Kendall County and DeKalb County, including Geneva, Batavia, St.Charles, Wayne, Wasco, Elburn, Virgil, Lily Lake, Aurora, North Aurora, Elgin, South Elgin, Bartlett, Crystal Lake, Gilberts, Millcreek, Maple Park, Kaneville, LaFox, Yorkville, Oswego, Plano, Sugar Grove, Big Rock, Bristol, Newark, DeKalb, Sycamore, Naperville, Wheaton, West Chicago, Winfield, Warrenville, Downers Grove, Lombard, Oak Brook, Streamwood, Hoffman Estates, Barrington, South Barrington, Lake Barrington, Schaumburg, Big Grove, Boulder Hill, Bristol, Joliet, Kendall, Lisbon, Minooka, Montgomery, Plainfield, Sandwich, Yorkville and many other cities.

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