Consequences of High-Conflict Divorce for Parents and Children

 Posted on June 21, 2018 in Children of Divorce

The aftermath of a high-conflict divorce can leave both parties with emotional wounds that take time to heal. However, the wounds inflicted on the children of the divorce can be deeper and affect a child’s mental health and relationship with his or her parents. When parents fail to shelter their children from their high-conflict divorce, the children can become resentful towards their parents and disillusioned towards relationships in general. Parents must act quickly to repair the damage that their contentious divorce has caused their children.

Problems with High-Conflict Divorce

Parents may believe they are doing enough to protect their children from their divorce arguments by not lashing out at them. However, witnessing the conflict is still damaging to the children. Divorcing parents can also indirectly involve their children in their conflicts by disparaging each other around the children or using the children as messengers. Parents who are absorbed in their high-conflict divorce may fail to provide adequate attention to their children’s emotional needs. As a result, the children may:

• Feel pressured to pick a side in the conflict but instead choose to reject both;
• Think that their parents care more about their arguments than their children’s well-being;
• See the character flaws in their parents and lose respect for them; and
• Believe that all marriages are doomed to failure because adults cannot resolve their differences.

Dealing with the Problem

A high-conflict divorce does deep damage to children because it shatters their long-held beliefs about their parents and loving relationships. Children may become openly resentful towards their parents or emotionally withdrawn. A weakened relationship with their parents may lead to depression, disinterest, and self-destructive behavior. It is the parents’ responsibility to understand how they have hurt their children and attempt to make amends by:

• Listening to the children talk about their feelings relating to the divorce;
• Explaining that the conflict between the parents is separate from the parents’ feelings towards their children;
• Refraining from making disparaging remarks about each other in front of the children or involving the children in disputes; and
• Renewing their focus on parenting that creates a healthy and happy relationship.

In some cases, a child or family therapist can help with communicating with the children during and after the divorce. The children may initially be more comfortable talking about their feelings with a compassionate third party.

Common Ground

Despite your differences, you and your spouse should agree that addressing the needs of your children is more important than your hostility towards each other. A Kane County divorce attorney at Goostree Law Group can help you focus on your children’s best interests during your divorce. Schedule a free consultation by calling 630-584-4800.

Source:

https://www.divorcemag.com/blog/child-parent-relationship-after-high-conflict-divorce/