How to Have the Divorce Talk With Your Children

 Posted on October 04, 2022 in Children

Kane County divorce lawyerDivorce is not uncommon, and most children have friends, family members, and schoolmates with divorced parents. However, the pervasiveness of divorce does not cancel out the deep emotional impact of divorce on children. If you are a parent planning to end your marriage soon, you may be unsure of how to broach the subject with your children. The moment your children learn about the divorce is likely a moment they will remember for the rest of their lives. The "divorce talk" should be carefully thought out and planned in advance so that it goes as smoothly as possible. 

Telling Your Children About the Divorce 

The first step is to make the decision about when and how to tell your children about the impending divorce. You and your spouse should sit down together and decide what you will say and who will say it. It is often best for both parents to be present for the conversation, but if that is not possible or practical, then one parent should take the lead. Do not tell your children about the divorce until you are absolutely certain the marriage is over. 

Once you have decided when and how to tell your children, stick to that plan as closely as possible. Do not have the conversation in front of other people, such as extended family members, friends, or your new significant others. This is a private family matter that should be treated with sensitivity and care.  

What to Say During the Conversation 

The content of your conversation will, of course, be dictated in part by the age of your children. Preschoolers and elementary school-aged children will likely have different levels of understanding than teenagers. In general, however, there are a few key points that should be covered during the conversation. 

Explain that the divorce is not the child's fault. This is probably the most important thing to communicate to your children. They may feel guilty or responsible for the divorce, and it is important to reassure them that this is not the case. Do not go into detail about why the marriage is ending and avoid blaming one parent for the marital breakdown.

If you can, help the children prepare for the changes that will take place in their lives by explaining living arrangements and custody plans. You may not yet know the details about exactly when each parent's parenting time will be, but you can explain the basic concept of how they will spend time with each parent at that parent's home. 

Call our Kane County Divorce Lawyers 

The St. Charles divorce attorneys at Goostree Law Group understand how difficult this time is for you and your family. We are here to help you through every step of the divorce process. To learn more about how we can help, call us at 630-584-4800 and schedule a free consultation.



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