Psychological Reasons Why Couples Remain in Unhappy Marriages

 Posted on May 23, 2017 in Divorce

Conventional wisdom says that couples divorce because they are unhappy in their marriages. However, many couples will stay married, even though they are obviously miserable together. Parents may consider staying together a selfless action for the benefit of their children, but getting a divorce does not mean the parents are selfish. This reasoning also does not explain why a childless couple would remain in a bad marriage. Psychologists have theories on why unhappy couples stay together that are connected to the expectations of marriage.

Interdependence

Many people get married with hopes of love and emotional fulfillment, but marriage is also an institution of mutual benefit. Psychologists who follow the theory of interdependence believe that:

• Couples view marriage as a cost-benefit relationship;
• Each spouse weighs what the other spouse can provide against negative aspects of the marriage;
• A spouse may consider the marriage unsatisfactory when the costs are greater than the benefits; and
• The prospects for a better life outside of the marriage may determine whether divorce is pursued.

This cold analysis of a marriage values satisfaction over happiness. Staying in an unhappy marriage seems more beneficial than divorcing.

Future Happiness

Some couples stay together when there is little immediate benefit because they are taking a long-term approach to their marriages. They are unhappy now, but believe that their marriages will become better because of:

• Marital counseling;
• Improving economic circumstances;
• Increased intimacy after their children become adults; and
• Maturing personalities as they become older.

In this theory, couples believe marriage is a commitment that they should try to preserve despite current dissatisfaction. They divorce when they see no hope for their marriages improving to a satisfactory level.

Emotional Factors

Psychologists come up with logical reasons that unhappy couples remain together, but some people do not divorce because of their beliefs and emotions:

• Spouses may feel that living alone would be worse than being in a bad marriage. They fear being lonely if they cannot find new partners;
• A couple’s religious beliefs may prohibit divorce. If they defy those beliefs by ending their marriage, their family and friends may ostracize them;
• Some people have low expectations for a healthy relationship. Their parents’ marriage may have been unhappy or abusive, so they believe that is what all marriages are like; and
• People may get enough satisfaction from other areas of their lives and not want to disrupt it by getting a divorce.

Seeking Divorce

If you are unhappy or unsatisfied in your marriage, divorce is a viable option to consider. A Kane County divorce attorney at Goostree Law Group can explain the benefits of the process. Schedule a free consultation by calling 630-584-4800.

Source:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/talking-apes/201705/why-do-unhappy-couples-stay-together