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Three Common Relationship Issues Identified in Couples’ CounselingIt is no secret that marriage is the most difficult and rewarding relationship that one can commit to. All couples have their good and bad days – on some days, you could never imagine being with anyone else, and on others, the fighting seems to never stop. The highs and lows of marriage are unavoidable and many relationship professionals say that the “lows” of the relationship can often bring the couple closer together when all is said and done.

Unfortunately, not all marriages are meant to make it to the lifelong-finish line. The fighting can become too common, you may struggle to communicate, or you may evolve into different people over the years and grow apart. Before making the definitive decision to file for divorce, it is often suggested that couples seek out professional help to try and iron out their issues, if at all possible. Relationship specialists have identified the following common points of contention that they hear from many couples behind closed doors:

  1. Negative Communication: The most common difficulty that couples face is a lack of communication or poor means of communication. This does not necessarily mean that you are not speaking with your spouse, but your tone of voice and level of engagement with your partner can go a long way. Constant negative communication can leave the receiving spouse feeling insecure, depressed, and disregarded by their partner. This negative communication may be unintentional but can often become habitual as life gets busy. Professionals stress the importance of making a ritual to set aside time each day to invest in your relationship. Whether it is having coffee each morning or meeting for lunch, giving your undivided attention to your spouse, even for just five minutes, can greatly improve your communication.
  2. Getting Set in Your Ways: As you and your spouse settle into your life together, you are bound to become accustomed to your daily routine, especially if you decide to have kids. Every day can feel fully booked by going to work, attending your children’s extracurricular activities, and spending time with your kids before putting them to bed and starting all over again tomorrow. When you and your spouse become stuck in the same everyday routine for months, or even years, your romantic relationship can get put on the backburner. It is important to stray from these everyday activities, once a week if you can, to go on a date, watch a movie together, or try something new. Getting involved in new activities together can reignite the spark that you felt when you first started your relationship.
  3. Financial Struggles: Life as a married couple with kids is stressful enough, but adding financial difficulties on top of everything else can put many couples over the top. Financial pressures can bring out the worst in couples, including blaming their spouse for their concerns. If you and your spouse are struggling to make ends meet, it is important that you work together to come to a solution. Whether it is your stay-at-home spouse finding a job, reducing your spending, or creating an updated monthly budget, you can alleviate your stress once you have a plan in place. If this is an ongoing issue, you may consider meeting with a financial advisor to help determine how you can improve your financial situation.

Unresolvable Issues? Contact a St. Charles Divorce Lawyer

It is important to take as many preventative steps to divorce as possible, including seeking out professional help. Couples’ counseling will either help you and your spouse resolve your issues or reassure you in your decision to end your marriage. For many couples, the latter is the case. The compassionate team at Goostree Law Group understands how emotionally painful divorce can be, even for those who know this is the right decision. Our Kane County divorce attorneys will work alongside you to determine what is best for you moving forward and construct your divorce agreement with these goals in mind. For help with your divorce, contact us at 630-584-4800 to schedule your free consultation.

Posted on in Divorce

Reasons Couples Stay Together After InfidelityIllinois is a no-fault divorce state, meaning the only reason spouses can give for divorce is irreconcilable differences. Even if it is not the legal reason, fault-based actions still cause couples to seek divorce. Infidelity is just as damaging to a marriage as it was when Illinois accepted it as grounds for divorce. There are obvious reasons why couples divorce after infidelity. It is a betrayal of a relationship that elicits an emotional response. Infidelity may be the cause of irreconcilable differences between spouses. The cheating spouse may be dissatisfied with the marriage, and the victim spouse may feel unwilling to continue the marriage. While infidelity is often fatal to a marriage, some couples do not divorce. There are reasons couples stay together after infidelity, but some have more merit than others.

Remorse and Forgiveness

When faced with a crisis of betrayal, some couples choose to fight for their marriage instead of letting it die. If a couple wants to fix their marriage, they both must put aside their pride:

Child Death Affect on Marriage and DivorceThe death of a child is a nightmare scenario for parents. The grief and shock can be more intense than what results from the death of anyone else. Because the emotional damage is so great, some people believe that a majority of parents get divorced after their child’s death. Logic says that losing the child breaks a bond between spouses that can never be repaired. However, researchers have not found statistical evidence of an increased divorce rate among parents whose children have died. Psychologists believe that the way parents grieve can create conflict in a marriage, but it does not necessarily cause divorce.

Expressing Grief

Both parents will experience grief after the death of their child, but each may have a different way of showing it. The types of grief are usually divided by gender:

Posted on in Divorce

Illinois divorce attorney, Illinois family lawyerThere are a lot of factors that affect a couple's likelihood of divorcing. These factors include the age of each partner when the couple married, each partner's education and income level, and whether the couple has the same socioeconomic and cultural background.

Other factors are not quite as obvious. For example, the genders of the couple's children. You might not think that your child's gender has any effect on your likelihood of divorcing, but research has found that parents of daughters have a slightly higher divorce rate than parents of sons.

Do not assume that just because you have a daughter, you will get divorced. Correlation does not imply causation, when whether your marriage will end in divorce or not hinges much more greatly on your ability to communicate effectively with your partner to resolve the conflicts that arise. If you are experiencing problems in your marriage, speak with an experienced divorce lawyer to determine all of your options. If you have exhausted all efforts to repair the issues you face, filing for divorce might be the healthiest option for all members of your family, regardless of their gender.

Could your yearbook photo really give you clues about your likelihood to divorce? According to a recent study from DePauw University psychology professor Matthew Hertenstein, the answer is yes. Your smile in childhood photos, according to the study, can be telling for your potential for future marital bliss.  The study, which is revealed in the professor’s new book, shows that individuals who smiled broadly in childhood photos were more likely to become members of lengthy marriages. This was compared with individual who smiled weakly or not at all in their childhood photos, who tended to have shorter marriages. The research team used a few hundred photos from college yearbooks to make the connection by determining how much people smiled in those photos. Those who smiled least in their college yearbook photos were five times more likely to be divorced when compared with those who smiled the most. Hertenstein believes that it all comes down to compliance: people who smiled broadly in photos were more likely to obey the photographer’s orders to “cheese” it up in the photo. Hertenstein argues that compliance and obedience are crucial for marriage success and that this explains why the bigger smilers had better success in marriage. It could also be argued that those who smile more in photos are simply happier in life and that they approach marital issues with a better disposition to start with. In this case, a positive outlook can go a long way towards happiness. Unfortunately, not all marriages are happy and long-lasting. A myriad of issues may have affected your marriage, regardless of whether you smiled or not in childhood photos. If you believe that it’s time to end your marriage and begin a new life, you need to speak with a knowledgeable Illinois family attorney to learn what to expect and to begin the process.  
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