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How to Set Goals Before You DivorceIt is not enough to wait until after your divorce is over to decide on your post-divorce goals. You should already know what your primary goals are before you start the divorce process so that you can negotiate your divorce with those goals in mind. Once the court has approved your divorce agreement, it will be difficult to modify it if you realize that you missed an opportunity for your agreement to help you achieve a goal. A skilled divorce attorney and a divorce coach can help you identify your divorce goals and plan for how you will achieve them.

Actionable Goals

Most people have a vague idea about what they want from their divorce, but you will be most successful during your divorce if you have specific and quantifiable goals. Saying that you want a “fair share” or a “reasonable agreement” does not tell you how to recognize whether you are achieving your goals. It is more helpful to say that you want:

  • Specific properties from your marriage
  • A percentage of your marital assets
  • A number of hours with your children each week

You can most accurately quantify your divorce goals by consulting with your divorce lawyer and figuring out what you need.

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Why Hiring a Divorce Coach Is Worth the CostGetting divorced involves expenses that are necessary for completing the process in a way that meets your needs. For instance, you need to hire a divorce attorney so that you have an experienced legal professional who makes sure that your divorce agreement takes full advantage of the law and does not contain errors. Hiring a divorce coach may seem like a less necessary expense, especially if you are worried about your budget. However, there are several reasons why a divorce coach is worth the investment:

  1. A Divorce Coach Can Focus on Your Personal Life: Who should you contact when you have pressing questions about how your divorce will affect your personal life? Friends and family can be compassionate but likely do not have the experience to provide you solutions. Your attorney’s primary job is to work on the legal aspects of your divorce. Asking them to also be your divorce coach is not the best use of their time or your money. Your divorce coach is trained to be your resource for how to handle the personal and emotional aspects of your divorce.
  2. A Divorce Coach Is a Voice of Reason: Getting divorced can cause people to think irrationally and make decisions that end up hurting themselves. When you are blinded by emotions, you need someone who is objective and able to guide you towards better decisions. Friends and family may be uncomfortable confronting you because they are afraid to damage your relationship. Your divorce coach can give you the advice you need while also being sensitive to your emotions.
  3. A Divorce Coach Builds You into a Better Divorcee: It is difficult to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for divorce, which will affect your life in ways that you may not anticipate. It helps to have someone who knows what to expect and can work with you to create a plan for how you will handle these challenges. This is one of the major benefits of having a divorce coach. They do more than react when a problem arises. As the word “coach” suggests, they teach you how to overcome the challenges you will face and approach your divorce with a healthy attitude. 

Contact a St. Charles, Illinois, Divorce Coach

Once you have decided that you need a divorce coach, your next step is to find one. Luckily, Goostree Law Group has a divorce coach on staff who works with our Kane County divorce attorneys on cases. To learn more about our divorce coaching service, schedule a free consultation by calling 630-584-4800.

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Avoiding an Addiction Relapse During Your DivorceAddiction comes in many forms, whether it involves alcohol, drugs, sex or other excessive behavior. People dealing with addiction can become abusive towards the ones they love and betray their trust. It is commendable if you have recovered from an addiction, but your spouse does not have to forgive you for your past actions. You may end up divorcing despite your efforts to improve yourself. While this may be a devastating turn of events, you cannot let yourself relapse into your addiction.

Addiction and Divorce

Your marriage and your family may have been your primary motivations during your recovery. You want to be someone that your spouse and children can rely on, and that idea gave you the strength to seek help and change yourself. The divorce takes away your spouse as a pillar of support. It is also possible that the divorce court will view your history of addiction as a potential danger to your children, which could affect the allocation of parental responsibilities. Divorce is a stressful and sometimes frightening process for anyone. You may be tempted to return to your addiction because it feels comfortable and will take your mind off your anxiety. A relapse would be disastrous for yourself and your divorce. It would likely limit your parenting time with your children and distract you from what you need to accomplish in your divorce.

Preventing Relapse

You should realize the risk of relapse during your divorce and take steps to protect your health:

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Avoiding an Emotional Collapse During Your DivorceThere are times when going through your divorce may test the limits of your patience, energy, and sanity. No one experiences divorce within a bubble. You are balancing your divorce with your personal and professional lives and trying not to let any of them collapse. If you fear that your divorce may overwhelm you, you should consider hiring a divorce coach to help you through the personal side of your divorce. Through your coaching sessions, you will learn several important facts that may help you cope:

  1. You Need to Share Your Feelings: Suppressing your emotions builds up stress and may cause a breakdown. You need an outlet to talk about what is making you worried or upset. The trick is finding the right person to talk to. You want someone who is sympathetic yet emotionally detached from your divorce. A divorce coach or therapist is the ideal choice. If you want to talk to a family member or friend, make sure it is someone who has a calm and compassionate temperament. Your children should never be your outlet.
  2. It Is Okay to Ask for Help: In fact, it is smart to seek help before the stress from your divorce becomes a problem. For instance, you should tell your boss that you are going through a divorce, which will at times require your attention. With this knowledge, your boss may be able to help you with your workload or understand if you need to take time off. If you do not tell your boss, he or she cannot help you and may assume the worst if your work performance suffers.
  3. You Should Allow Yourself to Grieve: You may experience conflicting emotions about your divorce. You are glad to be leaving a bad marriage, yet you are also sad about it. It is natural to regret and grieve the end of your marriage while also understanding that it is necessary. Allowing yourself to experience the natural grieving process will eventually lead to acceptance.
  4. You Must Accept What You Can Control: With a process as consequential as divorce, you may worry about whether your spouse or a court will prevent you from getting what you need to support yourself. It does you no good to worry about things that are out of your control. You can control only your own approach to the divorce negotiation and your own decisions. Trust that your lawyer will advocate for your best interest and help you reach a beneficial agreement.

Contact a St. Charles Divorce Lawyer

A divorce lawyer and divorce coach compliment each other to address a client’s legal and emotional needs. Contact a Kane County divorce attorney at Goostree Law Group to learn more about our staff divorce coach. To schedule a free consultation, call 630-584-4800.

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Overcoming Your Fear of Change During DivorceFear is a paralyzing emotion that people going through a divorce will commonly experience. When you give in to your fear, you may avoid actions that could help you overcome that fear. Your fear may prevent you from seeking a divorce, despite being miserable in your marriage. During your divorce, your fear may make you passive when you need to advocate for your own interests. After your divorce, your fear may keep you following the same routines that made you unhappy during your marriage. Conquering your fear means understanding it and resolving to act in spite of it.

Divorce Fears

Divorcees are most afraid of significant change in their lives and the uncertainty of their futures. These can create more specific fears, such as:

  • How will I support myself on my own?;
  • Can I handle being a single parent?;
  • How will the divorce affect my children?;
  • Will getting divorced make me happier?; and
  • What will my life be like after divorce?

These are natural questions that you should ask during your divorce because thinking about them will help guide your actions. Problems arise when your fear controls you. When you are afraid of change, you resign yourself to a status quo that you know is not working. There is comfort in familiarity and anxiety in the unknown.

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