The amount of mental energy couples must expend on the divorce process is often overwhelming, no matter how smoothly the transition unfolds. Divorce scenarios are, in most cases, a mixed bag of events. Some couples sail through the process with mutual respect and civilized interaction, only to discover emotional landmines when they reach the finish line, while other couples struggle with the split from the get-go. Matters can be especially difficult when one spouse refuses to cooperate altogether, leaving the other spouse with all the work and twice the weight in emotional stress.

What Can You Do When Your Spouse Will Not Cooperate?

There are a number of ways someone’s behavior can change throughout a divorce. Sometimes, the change is so drastic, the person becomes nearly unrecognizable to their partner. Some individuals regress, and their behavior can turn so ugly that the divorce becomes flat-out toxic. Even if your divorce has not gone quite to that extreme, you may see a side of your spouse you never knew existed. Experts indicate that people often react differently under severe divorce stress, typically out of self-preservation, which can manifest in many ways including anger or isolation. 

So, what can you do if you are dealing with an entirely uncooperative spouse? Here are some ways you can attempt to diffuse the tension:

Whether you have seen your divorce coming for some time or the realization of your unraveling marriage has taken you by surprise, telling your children, extended family, and acquaintances that your marriage is over is never a pleasant experience. It is not uncommon for friends and family to feel a sense of loss themselves, as they too grew familiar and comfortable seeing you and your spouse together, often over a period of many months or years. Children in the family can take divorce especially hard, making the duty of breaking the news to the kids infinitely more difficult for parents.

Communication is Key

Some divorcing couples make a mutual agreement to tell the children together, while others make arrangements to delegate the “talk” to one parent. Some couples never even have the chance to discuss who will speak to the children about the split because of the conflict and tension surrounding the end of the relationship. Whatever your personal circumstances, consider the following as you tell your kids, friends, and family that you and your spouse are going your separate ways:

• Get your own emotions in check. Psychology experts emphasize the need for self-care during a divorce, especially when it comes to mental health. Although it is much easier said than done, getting your own emotions in check before you break the news of your separation to your loved ones can help a great deal. Approaching the conversation with a clear head and a calm demeanor can soften the blow, allowing your children and family members to absorb the news. The more in control you appear to be, the better they will receive the news.

Among the many concerns spouses have throughout the divorce process, it is no surprise that a significant anxiety that often plagues those undergoing a split is worry over finances. Depending on your income, earning potential, employment situation, and the belongings you and your spouse have acquired over the course of your marriage, that worry may be severely compounded when children are added to the equation or when there is a drastic difference in your debt to income ratio.

Plan Ahead When Possible

Whatever your financial circumstances as you work through the end of your marriage, you will need to come to grips with your situation sooner, rather than later. It is imperative to obtain a snapshot of your finances in order to work with your attorney, financial planner, and accountant to plan for and create financial security for yourself following the divorce. Doing so requires a full inventory sweep of your financial obligations and assets.

Has your spouse recently filed for divorce? If so, he or she was able to choose the county in which the petition was filed and in which the proceedings are to be held. It may come as a surprise to learn that you are not necessarily bound by your spouse’s choice. While he or she may have filed first, you have the right to object to the chosen venue, but the law in Illinois requires you to act quickly.

What is Venue?

In the legal realm, the term “venue” refers to the county or district court system in which a case will be heard. For the purposes of divorce in Illinois, proceedings are generally held in the county circuit court. According to the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act, it is presumed that a couple’s divorce will be heard in the county of residence of at least of the parties. For example, if a husband and wife have separated, and the husband lives in DuPage County while the wife resides in Kane County, the law expects that the couple will file their petition for divorce in one of those two counties. A non-residential county may be chosen if there is a valid justification for doing so.

An amicable divorce can be challenging, but rewarding. Achieving an amicable divorce, though, is hard work and requires the skill of an experienced divorce attorney in Kane County who can protect your rights throughout the process. If you are seeking an amicable divorce or interested in learning more about amicable divorces, one of our attorneys in Illinois can help.

What is Considered an Amicable Divorce?

An amicable divorce involves willingness to put aside existing animosity in an effort to find workable solutions to areas of disagreement related to equitably dividing assets and debt responsibility, establishing child or spousal support, and developing a parenting plan. This process typically involves the use of negotiation and alternative dispute resolution methods, like arbitration, mediation and collaborative law.