Acceptance is Easier Than Forgiveness in Divorce

 Posted on March 29, 2018 in Divorce

Acceptance Easier Than Forgiveness in DivorceOne of the final signs that you have moved beyond your divorce is no longer holding a grudge against your former spouse. Letting go of resentment is often equated with forgiveness, but the two are not always the same. Some wrongs during a marriage are difficult to forgive and should not be forgotten for safety reasons. For instance, you should continue to be careful when having contact with a former spouse who abused you. In many cases, forgiveness can take years to reach, during which part of you is unable to fully invest yourself in new relationships. For some divorcees, accepting their former spouse’s actions is a more realistic immediate goal than forgiving them.

Problems with Forgiveness

Forgiving someone for his or her wrongdoing against you is still the best possible resolution to your post-divorce resentment. However, it is difficult to reach that point because:

  • The pain you suffered was personal and emotional;
  • You will likely have to admit that you made mistakes in your marriage;
  • You may believe that forgiving someone is also condoning his or her actions; and
  • Your satisfaction with forgiveness may rely on the other person showing remorse.

You may never be able to forgive your former spouse if you believe forgiving someone requires forgetting their past wrongs against you. You are also bound to be disappointed if you expect your former spouse to respond to your forgiveness by apologizing. Some people’s egos will not allow them to admit they were wrong.

Acceptance Goal

Accepting your former spouse’s wrongful actions against you means freeing yourself from your resentment without feeling you need to forgive the actions. Acceptance can be a step towards forgiveness. Both are similar in that your focus should be on your own emotions and things you can control. When accepting your former spouse’s actions, you are understanding that:

  • Everyone has flaws and can make poor decisions;
  • You cannot change what your spouse did in the past;
  • You can control your own emotions regarding it; and
  • Continuing to resent your former spouse does not make you happier.

After you have let go of your resentment from your marriage, it will be easier to honestly evaluate your role in your divorce. You may be able to eventually forgive your former spouse and yourself.

Resentment During Divorce

Divorce negotiations can cause conflicts that make it difficult to let go of your resentment. A Kane County divorce attorney at Goostree Law Group can keep your emotions in check and lead you towards a satisfying resolution. Schedule a free consultation by calling 630-584-4800.



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