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Handling a Narcissist During a Divorce

Posted on in Divorce

Dealing With a Narcissist in a DivorceFor many spouses seeking a divorce, coming to an equitable agreement outside of the courtroom is the ideal solution. It keeps the personal details of their divorce more private and generally is a less-contentious process. When dealing with a narcissistic spouse, going to court may be your only option. If you are divorcing this person because of his or her egotistical and manipulative personality, it should not be a surprise that those same traits come out during divorce negotiations. Narcissists can cause several problems during a divorce:

  • A divorce is another way to assert their power over their spouses. They are less likely to settle on issues because they see a divorce as a competition they must win.
  • They may lie or misconstrue the facts of a marriage in order to portray themselves as the victim. If they are the extroverted type, this also makes them good at presenting and selling their stories to a judge.
  • They generally do not care about who gets hurt during the process, even if it is their children. They will extend the process as long as they feel they need to in order to win, and will attack their spouses’ character, regardless of the emotional damage if may cause their families.

Narcissists are difficult to predict during a divorce because their decisions are often based on feeding their egos, not what may be in the best interest of them or their families. Your attorney should know in advance about your spouse’s personality, because there are strategies for dealing with a narcissist.

Present Evidence

To combat lies that the narcissist tells, have evidence that disproves it. You do not want it to be your word versus his or her word. Your argument should be backed by legal documents and financial records that prove it.

Stay Calm

A narcissist will try to bait you into an emotional reaction with lies and insults. Do not fall for it by yelling in response or leaving angry messages. The narcissist is trying to get you to play his or her game and is probably better at it than you.

Seek Therapy

Fighting a narcissist in divorce court can take an emotional toll on you. Talking to a licensed therapist can help you deal with your emotions and remain calm during the case.

Getting a Divorce Attorney

Even an amicable divorce can be an emotional and difficult process. An experienced Kane County divorce attorney at the Goostree Law Group can lead you through it. Call 630-584-4800 to make an appointment.


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