Working Through Your Divorce Is a Team EffortIt is not just an empty platitude when people tell you that you do not have to go through your divorce alone. A happy and successful divorcee often has a team of people helping him or her out. Your divorce attorney may be the most important member of your divorce support team because he or she will lead you through the complex legal process. However, there are more support team members that can help you in other areas during your divorce.

Financial Support

Your attorney should be versed in the financial necessities of your divorce, but it can help to work with a financial professional. If you are unsure of who to use, your attorney may be able to recommend someone to you. A financial planner can advise you about:

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How Toddlers Can React to Parents' DivorceChildren often experience the least amount of trauma from their parents’ divorce when it occurs before they are old enough to form memories. There will eventually be sadness and questions when they realize that a two-parent household is considered normal, but they do not grasp the immediate split between their parents. However, children become capable of noticing their parents’ divorce at a younger age than parents may expect. By age 2, children can start to create memories, some of which may be traumatic if they involve divorce.

Emotional Sensitivity

Toddlers are incapable of understanding a verbal explanation as to what a divorce is and why it happens. However, they can pick up on changes in their environment, such as:

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Acceptance Easier Than Forgiveness in DivorceOne of the final signs that you have moved beyond your divorce is no longer holding a grudge against your former spouse. Letting go of resentment is often equated with forgiveness, but the two are not always the same. Some wrongs during a marriage are difficult to forgive and should not be forgotten for safety reasons. For instance, you should continue to be careful when having contact with a former spouse who abused you. In many cases, forgiveness can take years to reach, during which part of you is unable to fully invest yourself in new relationships. For some divorcees, accepting their former spouse’s actions is a more realistic immediate goal than forgiving them.

Problems with Forgiveness

Forgiving someone for his or her wrongdoing against you is still the best possible resolution to your post-divorce resentment. However, it is difficult to reach that point because:

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Do Not Let Friend's Experience Discourage You From DivorceWhen you are considering divorce, you will have many questions about the process and its eventual outcome, such as:

  • Will the divorce make me happier?;
  • Will I be able to support myself on my own?; and
  • Will I still be able to see my children?

You probably know someone who has been through a divorce and may figure that this person can help you answer these questions. That person may tell you horror stories about how miserable the process was and how unhappy he or she is now. However, it is unwise to establish expectations for your divorce based on someone else’s divorce experience. There are too many ways that your divorce may be different from that of a friend:

  1. Personalities at Work: A high conflict divorce is traumatic but not the experience that everyone goes through. Spouses can have an amicable divorce by starting with a spirit of cooperation. If your friend had a contentious divorce, you should consider whether your friend has a personality prone towards conflict.
  2. Issues at Stake: Valuable marital properties and children are the factors most likely to cause tension during divorce negotiations. Your marriage could be different from your friend’s marriage in this regard. You may have less income and assets to fight over or a better understanding of how they will be divided. Not having children as dependents would also make your divorce much simpler.
  3. Different Laws: Depending on when or where your friend divorced, you may not be dealing with the same divorce laws. Each state has its own laws regarding divorce and parenting plans. Even within Illinois, the state has made significant changes in the last couple of years to its laws regarding child support and the allocation of parental responsibilities. The new laws may be more favorable to you.
  4. Representation: The quality of your friend’s divorce lawyer affected his or her divorce experience. Your friend may have hired a lawyer who did not properly represent him or her during the process. Afterward, your friend was left with a divorce settlement that does not satisfy his or her needs. With proper research, you can find a better divorce attorney than the one your friend hired.

Your Own Needs

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Comforting Children in New Home After DivorceChildren of divorce can have difficulty adjusting to living at a parent’s new home during scheduled parenting time. An unfamiliar house or apartment is a physical manifestation of the changes happening in a child’s life after divorce. The parent in the new home must create a familiar and comforting environment for the children. The other parent should try to put the children at ease about the new living environment. Both parents should cooperate to make a smoother transition, for the betterment of their children if not for each others’ sakes.

Preparations

Helping children adjust to a new parental home starts with the other parent at the primary home. Having two homes is an unfamiliar concept that likely makes the children nervous. It is also unavoidable as long as both sides have parenting time. Children can grow more comfortable with the concept and gain a sense of control by helping:

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Goostree Law Group

Goostree Law Group

 555 S. Randall Road, Suite 200
St. Charles, IL 60174

 630-584-4800

 400 S. County Farm Road, Suite 300
Wheaton, IL 60187

 630-407-1777

Our Illinois divorce attorneys represent clients in Kane County, DuPage County, Kendall County and DeKalb County, including Geneva, Batavia, St.Charles, Wayne, Wasco, Elburn, Virgil, Lily Lake, Aurora, North Aurora, Elgin, South Elgin, Bartlett, Crystal Lake, Gilberts, Millcreek, Maple Park, Kaneville, LaFox, Yorkville, Oswego, Plano, Sugar Grove, Big Rock, Bristol, Newark, DeKalb, Sycamore, Naperville, Wheaton, West Chicago, Winfield, Warrenville, Downers Grove, Lombard, Oak Brook, Streamwood, Hoffman Estates, Barrington, South Barrington, Lake Barrington, Schaumburg, Big Grove, Boulder Hill, Bristol, Joliet, Kendall, Lisbon, Minooka, Montgomery, Plainfield, Sandwich, Yorkville and many other cities.

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