Posted on June 25, 2018 in Divorce

The effects of divorce can be difficult for spouses to handle, both emotionally and financially. However, some spouses seem to feel a greater effect and have greater difficulty adjusting. The fairness of the divorce agreement and the personality traits of each party can determine how people respond to divorce. Divorce researchers also wonder whether a spouse’s gender can predict how a divorce will affect him or her. Divorcees seem more likely to face certain challenges depending on their gender, but this idea may be based on gender stereotypes.

Problems for Women

Wives are often thought of as being more sensitive to their emotions and having less lucrative careers than their husbands. When applicable, these traits can have negative consequences for women:

• Women may identify themselves more by their marriage and family role than men do;
• A woman who made her own ambitions secondary to her marriage is less capable of supporting herself;

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 Posted on June 21, 2018 in Children and Divorce

The aftermath of a high-conflict divorce can leave both parties with emotional wounds that take time to heal. However, the wounds inflicted on the children of the divorce can be deeper and affect a child’s mental health and relationship with his or her parents. When parents fail to shelter their children from their high-conflict divorce, the children can become resentful towards their parents and disillusioned towards relationships in general. Parents must act quickly to repair the damage that their contentious divorce has caused their children.

Problems with High-Conflict Divorce

Parents may believe they are doing enough to protect their children from their divorce arguments by not lashing out at them. However, witnessing the conflict is still damaging to the children. Divorcing parents can also indirectly involve their children in their conflicts by disparaging each other around the children or using the children as messengers. Parents who are absorbed in their high-conflict divorce may fail to provide adequate attention to their children’s emotional needs. As a result, the children may:

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 Posted on June 19, 2018 in Divorce and Finances

Much of your work during your divorce will go towards ensuring that you are financially viable afterward. Through the division of property, you will lose assets that you may have been counting on for both your short-term stability and long-term investing. Holding onto key assets and establishing fair support payments is vital in reworking your financial plan. However, your divorce agreement is a starting point and not the end goal. You must follow through with wise decisions so as not to squander your hard work during the divorce.

Immediate Actions

When your divorce becomes officials, there are several changes you must make to acknowledge that you are no longer married:

1. Canceling Joint Credit Cards: You do not want your credit rating to be tied to the financial decisions that your former spouse makes moving forward. If you had shaky credit with your spouse, establishing your own line of credit will help you improve your record.

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 Posted on June 15, 2018 in Child Custody

Father’s Day can have added significance for both a dad and his children after divorce. Fathers are more often the parent that receives less parenting time after the divorce. So, the holiday is a time dedicated to reaffirming the relationship between a divorced father and his children. Unfortunately, divorced fathers do not always see their children on Father’s Day:

• The father may live far enough away that visits are difficult;
• The schedules of either the father or the children may interfere with a visit; or
• The father may have restricted access to the children as part of the parenting plan.

There are ways that fathers and their children can ease the emotional pain of not being together on Father’s Day. In some cases, the mother can help, as well:

1. Choose a Makeup Date: There is no law saying that you can only celebrate Father’s Day on a specific day of the year. Fathers and their children can pick a date that works for them as their unofficial Father’s Day. They can have all of the same festivities that would be part of a normal Father’s Day celebration. The only difference between the new date and the official date is that the father and his children may need to plan more things on their own. They will not be able to rely on public events recognizing Father’s Day.

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 Posted on June 12, 2018 in Divorce

There are situations where the decision to divorce is fairly obvious and the best choice for your own health and safety. Divorce is necessary if you have an abusive spouse that is a danger to yourself and your children. It is also understandable if your spouse has betrayed you in a way that you do not feel you can forgive, such as infidelity. However, there are many instances when the two spouses are unsure whether divorce is the right decision. Once spouses start the process of divorce, it is very rare that they change their minds and continue their marriage. It is normal to have doubts when considering divorce, but you must identify whether they are enough of a reason to stay in your marriage. Here are three reasons spouses hesitate to divorce and possible arguments against those doubts:

1. The Divorce Will Hurt My Children: It is undeniable that your divorce will affect your children and likely in a negative way. There will be tears, anger and general confusion about why you decided to divorce. However, you must consider what damage your unhealthy marriage is doing to your children. Are you openly fighting with your spouse? Are you often agitated because you are unhappy in your marriage? What example is your marriage setting for your children? You may become a better parent by eliminating the negativity of your marriage.

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 Posted on June 06, 2018 in Children and Divorce

A selfish and cruel co-parent may purposely try to turn your children against you in order to damage your relationship with them. There is a psychological term for this practice, called parental alienation. Psychologists have an ongoing debate about whether Parental Alienation Syndrome is a mental disorder, but there is little doubt that a parent who is alienating his or her children against the other parent can cause emotional and psychological damage to the children. If you are the victim of parental alienation, you may need to go to family court to reassert your parental rights and protect your children.

Identifying Alienation

Parental alienation is different from situations where children have limited contact with a parent because the parent is a legitimate danger or has failed to maintain a relationship. Alienation involves one parent undermining a child’s relationship with the other parent for vindictive or selfish reasons. A parent may cause alienation by:

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 Posted on June 04, 2018 in Divorce

Illinois' Congress recently ratified the federal Equal Rights Amendment, making Illinois the 37th state to do so. The deadline for states to approve the amendment expired decades ago, but ERA advocates believe that reaching the 38-state requirement now would still allow the amendment to be enacted. ERA opponents have long argued that the amendment would allow federal overreach into state laws and diminish women’s rights in certain areas, including divorce and family law. However, Illinois divorce laws already include gender neutrality in their language.

ERA and Family Law

The ERA that the U.S. Congress approved is comprised of three sections, that state:

1. A person’s sex cannot be used to deny him or her equal rights;
2. Congress can use appropriate legislation to enforce the equal rights; and

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 Posted on May 30, 2018 in Divorce Over 50

People who divorce after age 50 may feel an urgency to start dating again and find a new romantic partner. You do not like the sudden loneliness you feel after decades of being married. There is also a heightened sense of your biological clock ticking and wanting to start a relationship while you can still enjoy it. You will learn that the dating process has changed since the time you met your former spouse. Online dating websites have in many ways taken the place of singles bars and other such venues. The prospect of meeting your match from the comfort of your computer can be both exciting and scary. Gray divorcees must be careful when using online dating services. Bad experiences can drain your post-divorce assets and damage your vulnerable psyche.

What is Online Dating?

Online dating sites are essentially social media sites for the purpose of starting relationships or friendships. As a member, you will create a profile that includes:

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 Posted on May 25, 2018 in Divorce

Lying to others in order to gain an advantage during your divorce is unethical and, in some cases, illegal. However, believing your own lies may ultimately be more emotionally damaging to you. People can lie to themselves for different reasons. Some lies are a defense mechanism to protect yourself from an uncomfortable truth. Other lies are your own insecurities trying to manifest themselves as truths. There are several lies that people commonly convince themselves of when they are going through a divorce:

1. My Spouse Is the Only One to Blame for the Divorce: First, it could be that no one was to blame for the divorce. Second, divorce usually occurs because both sides made mistakes.
2. I Will Never Get Married Again: This statement can be either your desire or your fear. However, you cannot predict whether you will meet someone new and fall in love again.
3. I Feel No Grief Over the End of My Marriage: Some sadness and regret will likely strike you during or after your divorce. It is natural and healthy to mourn the end of a relationship, even a bad one.

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 Posted on May 23, 2018 in Child Support

When contributing to child support, the paying parent is trusting that the recipient is using the money for child-related expenses. Misusing the money for selfish purposes is betraying the good-faith effort of the paying parent and possibly neglecting the needs of the children. However, most states lack mechanisms that monitor how a parent spends the child support payments that he or she receives. Suspicious behavior is not enough evidence to prove that a parent is misusing child support money. If you believe your former spouse is neglecting his or her financial responsibilities as a parent, you will need to prove that the misuse of money is hurting your children.

Purpose of Child Support

Child support is more than a requirement that you pay your former spouse if he or she has primary parenting time with your children. It is an agreement to share in child-related expenses, including:

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